


You little Shitmada

by SoapSoaping



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Attempt at Humor, But also, Canon Compliant, Co-Workers to Friends to Lovers, Crack, Edgy, F/F, Fluff, Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, Hanzo is a Furry, Kinda?, M/M, Mixed couples for life tbh, Not anti-black though, Offensive, Please Don't Cry, Racist Language, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, VERY OFFENSIVE, also, but theres still a story, hanzo is a big softy, hanzo is an idiot, it happens on a mission, shit is edgy as fuck, this is mainly crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-10-13 05:24:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10507146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoapSoaping/pseuds/SoapSoaping
Summary: It's very obvious that the recon mission hadn't gone according to plan.They hadn't planned this out.And now we get to watch as our favourite gay uncles and the rest of the crew go on a road trip in an attempt to get back to the base.TL;DRJoin Grandma, Lesbian Aunt, Gay Dad #1, Little Shit, Big Shit, and Cowboyfriend(soon) as they go on this really shitty road trip in an attempt to bond while simultaniously being hunted by the guy that fucked Overwatch.





	1. It begins

 

It was a beautiful day.

Actually no not really today was super fucking shitty.

Hanzo huffed as he stared out of the car window. How the hell did they get stuck in this situation?

-

They had been at the base in the meeting room, going over the next recon plan. There had been Talon activity near the Hollywood area, and that was never a good sign. So, the team scrounged up the meager supplies they had and selected six agents to go and scope out the area.

It had been a pretty good team. Ana would be taking lead, followed by Hanzo. The two snipers knew how to blend in (Hanzo's plus being able to climb walls) and the rest of the team was to stay near the Orca on alert just in case things got hairy.

Soldier 76 (or Jack, as Hanzo had been told), had volunteered immediately. Tracer had fwipped around in excitement, wanting to go to Hollywood. Genji grumbled about spending time together and McCree was forced to go, since he was late to the meeting because he had over slept. Tracer, however, had snickered about how he'd want to go anyways because of "reasons" and that there was no need to force him.

Hanzo had rolled his eyes at that. This place was so strange.

Everything was supposed to go along fine. There wasn't supposed to be any troubles landing, but they had troubles. Talon agents seem to flood from everywhere as soon as the Orca's doors opened. Reaper himself even graced them with his presence and very scary shotguns.

They were outnumbered. The ambush had absolutely destroyed the ship, leaving nothing but rubble. The ship being gone meant that their comm connections were out too, since the link was embedded in the computer at the helm.

Genji had been knocked away by the blast of the ship exploding, but it had inadvertently saved his life as a round of heavy fire had rained right where he had been standing. Tracer had gotten nicked in the thigh with a bullet, leaving a trail of blood as she tried to blink to cover. McCree was doing pretty okay, other than the bruise that was forming on the top of his left cheek from when he had been sucker punched by Reaper. Soldier 76 and Ana had faired off well, neither of them getting more than a couple of scratches.

Hanzo, however, took quite the beating. His ribs were very bruised, there had been a bullet in his chest (the chance of him dying very likely if Ana hadn't been near by), a spray of shotgun pellets lodged in his right shoulder, bruises littering his upper and lower torso, and a few wires from where his flesh legs were fused to metal had been frayed. Genji had repaired those the best he could, which was good enough.

They were able to get away long enough to hide out in the attic of a theater near the road that would lead out of town. After checking, double checking, and then triple checking that there weren't any of the Talon agents near them, they tucked their tails underneath themselves and ran to the nearest car they could find.

It was an old dark blue minivan with stickers about grandkids decorating the back and scratches all along the side. It wasn't a hover car, which wouldn't have been a problem if they knew how to drive it.

But guess what happens when you combine a group of futuristic heroes who've never even had to touch a steering wheel before? Hanzo is still attempting to give all of his gratitude to the entity above when Ana spoke up about having at least some experience.

Ana was at the wheel while Tracer sat next to her in the passenger's seat. 76 and Genji took the row behind them, putting their blankets and pillows they had found in the middle seat. McCree and Hanzo were in the very back row, their pillows and blankets stashed in the trunk with Ana's and Tracer's. The middle seat was taken up with McCree's left leg stretched out and over it, touching and almost laying over Hanzo's right thigh.

The cowman was obviously too tall to sit back here with the very limited leg space, but they had all scrambled in when they heard screams and shouts coming close to where the van had been.

-

That's where Hanzo was now, however. That's how they had a very, very super fucking shitty day. His shoulder was killing him from where Ana had quickly removed the pellets, and his chest ached from the bullet that had shot clean through. He never question how he wasn't dead, as modern medicine was weird and fascinating. One of those splashy things Ana cracked open and poured on the wound had him swearing up and down from the sting, but he could feel the flesh and organs being repaired with it, so he hadn't interrupted the process.

He huffed another sigh, pushing his bangs out of his face. The warrior was very tempted to just close those brown eyes and sleep, but he diverted his attention over to the male beside him for entertainment. They all needed to stay awake in case anything happened.

McCree apparently thought otherwise. The brown haired head was tilted to his side of the window, snores softly leaving an open mouth. The long left leg was at such a weird position it actually drew a silent laugh out of the stern Japanese man.

Hanzo smirked just a bit, the cowman could always do something funny, even in his sleep.

"Psst, brother." Genji called him quietly.

"What?" Hanzo went to lean forward, but cringed slightly as his ribs complained about the motion.

"Get in the trunk and hand me the peanuts we found?" The glowing line where the sparrow's eyes were tilted up in a begging position.

"What? No. I can barely sit here normally without throwing up from the pain and you want me to twist back around and move to get you peanuts?" Hanzo frowned deeply.

"Yeah." Genji was always bossy. The aged soldier next to him huffed a laugh.

"No." The deadpanned answer caused Genji to squeal in protest.

"But HanzoooOOOOO!" It began.

"No! Why do you want them? You have no need for food to sustain your body! You're a cyborg!" Dark brown eyes rolled while green slits narrowed.

"And whose fault is that?"

To say the effect was of a great magnitude was an underestimate. Jack wheezed and pulled out an inhaler, taking a few puffs. Tracer's eyes nearly popped out of socket as a small "ohshit" expression formed on her face. Ana white knuckled the steering wheel, lips forming a tight poker face. McCree's subconscious apparently had a sense for oncoming death and he woke up mid snore asking where he was and what was happening.

Hanzo, tight lipped, stared directly into the green line. The older Shimada kept the gaze as he twisted his nearly broken torso around and bent at the spine to grab the small foil packet of nuts.

Red began to seep through his clothes, all of his wounds re-opening at an alarming rate.

Cold, dead, metal fingers brushed against his as he handed the food over.

"Go ahead. Tell me what I am." Genji kept them both in place.

Hanzo narrowed his own eyes. "You're a little shit."

"Damn right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji: Yo  
> Hanzo: wot  
> Genji: u get nutz?  
> Hanzo: which?  
> Genji: deez nutz  
> Hanzo:I should have finished killing you


	2. Cal-ee-forn-eye-ay (California)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET  
> Here we go, back into the adventure.  
> Thank you guys so much for the kudos and comments .///. ily  
> also happy april fools   
> Reaper/Jack will come very soon in the next 2(?) chapters. It won't be a slow build for them so we'll have at least some slash.

 

The ride was as smooth as it could get.

Hanzo groaned as the scenery passed them by. The California feel had left him a long time ago, only replaced with an aching to get home as soon as possible. They passed palm tree filled neighborhoods, drug filled neighborhoods, and police filled neighborhoods. The assassin pursed his lips as where they were going seemed to be degrading into gang territory.

"Uh, Ana," McCree spoke up, shifting in the blue carpet seats uncomfortably. "I don't think we should be here."

"Really now?" Ana smiled sarcastically at the back row.

Everyone was on rather high alert as they passed a shady looking alley where a group of omnics and people were gathered, seemingly debating about boundary lines and what not.

"Do you guys think they're friendly?" Tracer quipped. "I mean, like, the people here. I don't like to assume things, and maybe we're just being rude and assuming that these people are 'bad'." She used her fingers in a mock quotation.

"Well, if you look out of your window to the left," Jack started like a tour guide. "You'll see a public display of masturbation. The exquisite beauty of the old man is very rare, do you see how his dick looks like a waffle cone with mint chocolate chip ice cream? I don't think that's ice cream though, and why is it bleeding? Now, if you look out of the right window, we can see a friendly group of teens beating the ever living shit out of a young male that probably hasn't paid up."

Tracer regretted looking at both.

The longer they drove, the more dangerous it seemed to get. Ana had slowed to a stop when a red light came to fruition.

It was the worst mistake of her life.

"Anaaaa," Genji was looking out of his window. " **Ana**." There was a strange urgency in his voice.

"What?" The sniper wasn't in the mood to deal with his shit.

Genji made a quick glance to her in the rearview mirror. " _ **We need to get out of here**_."

Hanzo raised his eyebrow. He glanced over to his right, trying to see whatever Genji had been staring, and saw a group of omnics pointing at the van. It was okay, he guessed, until they started running towards them with blunt weapons.

"ShiT FUCK SHIT" McCree fumbled over the middle seat closer the archer as the omnics came at the car from his side. "HOLD ME DARLIN' AND DON'T LET GO. ANA DRIVE!"

Grandma's eyes widened as she whipped her head over and saw what was coming their way. She screeched and slammed on the gas, bolting the van forward and jerking everyone in their seats back.

There had been traffic coming from the left. The truck laid on its horn as Ana maneuvered the van as fast as she could. They got clipped, rocking the van around with its occupants, but kept driving at a swift pace. Red lights were non-existent now.

Eventually they came out on a highway. The neighborhoods were left behind as a clear stretch of plain landscape came into their view. It was a very nice change.

Hanzo cracked an eye open when the drive wasn't as twisty and bumpy. A sigh of relief flooded out of him. That was, before he noticed long, large arms entrapping him.

"M-McCree?" Hanzo poked his side a little.

The cowboy whipped his head up, arms not leaving. "We good?" The stetson smushed against Hanzo's mouth.

"Mmph." Dark brown eyes glared at the intrusion. He puffed the brim away from his face before continuing. "Yes."

The arms that had him trapped released him.

Everything went back to normal. The van slowly drove on the road for a good three miles before Ana spoke up.

"We need gas."

-

They found a stop a bit later. Ana jumped out, attempting to figure out how to "pump" the gas into a car, while the rest of the team strayed inside of the station to buy supplies.

"Wow, this place is awesome!" Tracer blinked around the small isles looking at the tiny soaps and candies. "Who knew places like these existed?!"

Jack gave a grunt. "You damn kids will never know about the shit we had to go through back in the day." He eyed a snickers bar, contemplating whether or not to buy it.

"I have to say I am rather grateful for modern devices. Can you imagine having to stop at one of these multiple times a week?" Genji picked up a straw. He glanced up at the machine infront of him. " **HANZOOOO** "

The said male jumped at his name. McCree had been showing him some weird "hot dog" rotation device and warning about the seizures that could happen if he were to eat one of the strange long pink things.

"Yes Genji?" The pair scurried over to where the screech had come from. All three of them were slack jawed in awe as their eyes worshipped the container.

Tracer, hearing the ruckus, blinked over. "What's got your panties in a twisT- SOLDIER 76!"

Another jump, this time from Jack. He sighed and picked up the snickers bar, deciding that this was what he wanted. Walking over he slowly shook his head at the sight.

"No, absolutely not. I'm not having any of you-"

"dad **plEASE** " The chorus rang out.

Jack looked between the snickers in his hand and what the rest of the team wanted.

"I don't think I have enough for both."

Several degrading and heart broken looks later, Jack put the snickers back and cried behind the mask as four grown Overwatch agents fought over who could go first at the slurpie machine.

They walked back to the van, all of them carrying an icy drink except for Jack.

"Did you get me one?" Ana asked as they all began to pile in.

"No, sorry. I only had enough for the four smalls." Jack crossed his arms as the van roared to life.

The van didn't start driving until the aged soldier looked into the rear view mirror.

"Don't ever fucking talk to me again you fucking piece of wasted shit." Ana seethed.

_Nobody ever loves Jack._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji: hanzo bro  
> Hanzo: wot  
> Genji: i has base  
> Hanzo: takes base  
> Genji: why  
> Hanzo: all your base are belong to us  
> Genji: jokes on you  
> Hanzo: wot  
> Genji: april fools i no even has base  
> Hanzo: why


	3. Ore-eh-gah-no (Oregon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HERE  
> IT'S 2 AM BUT IT'S HERE  
> HELP ME  
> I'M SO MUCH TRASH FOR MCHANZO AND R76  
> asld;kfjasdlkjf  
> Hazno will show furry side soon enough and be forever made fun of because of it and I'm hyped for it because he's just this hard 'fuck u' on the outside but on the inside he just really wants a hug and tries to make people feel better because he's guilty from what he's done and wants to make it better in the best way possible because McCree has a huge influence on him okay?  
> okay.
> 
> jesse is the best friend that tagged along for the trip when the fam said they were going tbh  
> also ratingisgoingupto mature jsyk  
> reaper should appear soon

 

The ride was silent.

Hanzo leaned back into his seat as he quietly sucked on the banana flavored slurpie. It was half gone, and he was starting to get freeze-brain from the chill. Those dark brown eyes traveled around the car, taking in its full appearance. It was late evening now, the dark amber sun lighting the car. The rays bounced around the scratches on the old windshields and reflected off of the old leather and plastic insides of the doors. The scratchy carpet was clean enough, tiny crumbs barely littering it and a wrapper here and there. The seats had some small holes in them where the stripe pattern was visible in the middle.

The stern man had to admit, it was a pretty comfortable car.

They had all been relaxing until a large metal sign drew their attention.

"Oregano?" Hanzo whispered. A snort and chuckle escaped Jesse.

"Where are we?" Tracer looked towards their driver. Before the recon expert could answer the cowboy stepped in and provided one.

"We're in the Oregon state. Guess the I-5 took us north when we were getting the hell outta dodge." Genji hummed at the answer. Looking around at the trees that started to fill up the landscape.

Hanzo noticed that Jack had been exceptionally quiet. Bracing himself for the slight pain from his shoulder wound, the black haired male leaned forward to glance at what the soldier was doing.

Surprisingly Jack was just idly playing with the edge of his seat. His head was lowered and his visor was a bit dulled. The archer hummed in confusion, wondering why Jack seemed down. He remembered the cold in his hand and he looked at the half-empty or half-full cup of banana slurpee.

He didn't even need to think twice.

"Hey." Hanzo tapped on the muscled shoulder briefly. The visor turned to him and lightened when it saw the small purple and green colored cup being offered.

"You don't-" He was quickly interrupted.

"Shut up and take it. You bought us all one anyways, see this as my gratitude for the favor." Hanzo didn't smile physically, but if you knew him long enough you would be able to hear it in his words.

Jack just huffed a tiny laugh and gingerly took the cup.

"Thanks." The bottom of his mask was taken off to expose some of the scarred skin and lips.

"Of course." The archer sat back into the position he was originally in. He felt rather nice.

Until the stare of honey gold eyes became burdensome. Hanzo turned to catch them as they flitted away in embarrassment for staring.

McCree had already finished his drink, now just chewing on the straw. Those eyes were everywhere but his. Now that Hanzo had an excuse to really look at him, he took all the time he needed to study his seat partner.

While Hanzo started googly eyeing his friend, Tracer spoke up about how the night would catch the evening and that they should stop at the next hotel for rest and a phone.

"Sweetie, let me ask you something." Ana turned kind eyes towards the Brit.

"Shoot love!" A bright smile met them.

"What money will we use to pay for the room?" Those eyes never left. Tracers face dropped as she looked down in thought.

Genji groaned in distress. "Well, you can't drive forever, obviously. What if we try to strike up a deal with a hostess or something?" It turned cogs in everyone's minds.

"If you show me how, I could try to drive while you sleep." Jacks gruff voice broke the silence. "The road is straight, and it can't be that hard to keep a wheel steady."

"The road is definitely the straightest thing here. And something else is hard." Genji pulled out the finger guns, pointing at his brother. "AmIright?"

"You are the reas **on mother committed seppuku**."

"Why do you bring this up"

"Everyone shut up, there's a truck stop soon." Ana pointed a gloved finger at the sign. "We have about fifteen minutes until we're there. There was a picture of a shower and some kind of square device with a door on the front of it. I guess they have one of those showers, which is good because you guys reek of blood and death."

Tracer scoffed. "Well, I mean, we did almost die in a massive fight with Talon today, isn't that right guys?"

They all voiced their agreements while Jack stayed silent again.

He couldn't get his mind off of the fight. Everything was okay until Reaper showed up. Everything always went wrong when that _thing_ showed up, terrorizing everybody with those massive shotguns and scary armor, not to mention those powerful muscles that could snap a neck in half. That wasn't going anywhere near those boots and thighs though, they looked hefty enough to kick someone into submission without even trying. And that voice, like David Hasselhoff himself reached into someone's throat and decided to make someone sound sexier. God, those love handles put the curves on a supermodel to shame, and that ass was so round it made-

"Jack!" The red visor flipped up.

"W-what, yes?" Internal panic.

"Are you alright? We've arrived." Tracer was looking at him with deep concern. Everyone was already out of the van stretching their legs.

"Oh, yes. I was just thinking about-" Undressing Reaper. Molesting Reaper. Softly dragging his hand down the sculpted chest of Reaper. "Um," Laying back with Reaper while Brokeback Mountain played in the background as they had a relaxing night in an apartment AU. "About the fight. I was going over tactics."

"Oh Jack, that's so you! Come on, there's showers here and a washing machine!" The Brit jumped in glee and blinked over to where the team was.

-

Six showers later, the team began to debate as to how the washing machine was to be used.

"What do you mean 'I've never done laundry before'?!" McCree flinched as Jack scolded him. "How immature do you have to be to not know how to do- You know what? Just, all of you give me your clothes and wait in the shower rooms or something. They have free towels, right? Just, do that."

Hanzo grimaced as Jack switched to 'dad-mode' again, but took it in stride. He handed over his clothes and went back to the shower rooms as asked, Tracer and Ana following his lead as they went into the family bathroom rather than the mens.

Genji had other plans.

"Psst, McCree," He started as he wrapped a towel around his metallic form. "We should streak."

"What? Hell nah. I ain't gettin' my ass chewed a new one." McCree laughed, grabbing his hat and attempting to follow Hanzo back into the warm shower room.

"Aw, come on!" His whining was interrupted by Hanzo, who had quickly rushed out of the shower room.

" **There are people having sex in there.** " Hanzo's eyes were shot open. " **They're old. I need bleach for my eyes.** "

Genji laughed while McCree frowned, image flooding his mind and making him very uncomfortable.

"What do we do now? They looked nowhere near finished and I will not be the one to interrupt them." The three were circled around each other, towels on their hips except for Genji who had his around metal shoulders.

"Darlin', you just gave me a bright idea." A grin shot towards Hanzo. "Okay, hear me out on this one, they're distracted and such, right? Well, wouldn't it be just a shame if say, somebody went to their car with a key they ' _found'_  in the locker room and accidentally took some of their stuff? I mean, not like, all of it to cause quite the ruckus, but enough to where they won't notice it for a while."

The brothers stared at him and then looked at each other.

"Sounds okay to me."

"Yeah same let's do it."

And that's how no one questioned when the boys came to the laundry room with two backpacks full of shorts, shirts, socks, a comb, fifty dollars, two wrapped toothbrushes, and a dragon dildo.

-

They were on the road soon enough, Jack at the wheel with Ana next to him. Tracer was pushed to the row behind them, playing with Genji as they tossed the tool back and forth like a ball. McCree and Hanzo were in the same seats, McCree tossing his legs over the middle as Hanzo sat as proper as ever despite the pain in his chest from where the wound had finally fused together.

It was a relaxing trip now, the night sky hung over the dense pine forests as they passed them. It was getting quite chilly though, and Hanzo regretted picking the black t-shirt and letting McCree have the larger long sleeve blue flannel. The plaid pajama pants he had claimed helped fight the cold a bit, so he couldn't complain much he figured. Besides him and McCree, Ana was the only one out of uniform.

"Hey, McCree?" A slender finger poked the sole of the sock-clad feet. McCree grunted, lifting his hat a bit from where it had been resting on his face. "Can you reach in the trunk and grab me my blanket and pillow?"

"Sure, which one's yers?" The drawl was heavy from drowsiness.

"The black and white one." Hanzo watched the furry arm bend over the soft seats and lift the items in question up and over to the owner. "Thank you."

McCree chuckled at the slight bow from his companion. Keeping the smile, he watched Hanzo puff the pillow and lean against the window. He then wrapped the thin but fluffy material over his shoulders but allowed slack to cover the cowboy's feet that were pressed against a firm thigh. Needless to say, McCree thought the archer was a pretty awesome person.

They all started dozing off one by one, the smell of pine around them and the warming atmosphere of friendship and cheap soap tucking them into a blanket of comfort as the soft seats retained warmth and the hum of the engine rocked them to sleep.

Luckily Jack snapped back awake just in time to jerk the van back over to _the right side of the road._

Shit this was going to be harder than he thought. He needed coffee like, now.

A tall, dark coffee.

Dark and mysterious.

**Fuck.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji: Hanzo  
> Hanzo: wat  
> Genji: u liek burgers  
> Hanzo: why  
> Genji: like, u liek burgers or nah  
> Hanzo: but why  
> Genji: just curiouso tbh but it's k i'm not a big fan but nah man u can be i just think u liek burgers.  
> Hanzo: wat kind  
> Genji: liek mcdonalds.  
> Hanzo: I can read between the lines you little shit I'm not answering your fucking question go away.  
> Genji: no wonder ur gay ur just a walking asshole aren't u  
> Hanzo: crie


	4. Wash-me-son (Washington)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> agaIN IT'S 2 AM  
> AND I'M STILL HAPPEY  
> k, so here's the deal with this chapter-  
> I listened to the three hour version of cory in the house theme song and also the one hour version of we're all in this together from highschool musical so whatever was written know that most of my inspiration had come from my faveourite animes of all time

 

The ride was annoying.

Hanzo blinked his eyes open and groaned at the tingles in his neck. Black inky hair covered his face from where his hair tie had fallen out, the ribbon now on giant feet that were thrown across his thighs. Looking over through half closed eyes, the Japanese man saw his American partner sprawled out all over the row they occupied. Typical.

It was then Hanzo noticed something he would have rather had left out of his day.

It was really, _really_ cold.

They were in the northern states he guessed, seeing the soft thin blanket of snow outside of the windows. The scenery whipped by at a swift pace, causing chocolate brown eyes to shift rapidly at everything. What month was it again? October, or November? He couldn't remember. None of them had phones, courtesy of the tiny Overwatch funds that only gave them comms and no real emergency gear. It would have been helpful if they could just kind of 'call' Winston or anybody really and get some help, but why would a secret organization have a number to call when obviously anything and everything was after them and trying to shut them down?

A huff left him, energy drained and the day hadn't even begun yet. The buff male tipped his head up to check the time and see who else was awake.

It was half past five in the morning, the time he usually woke up. McCree, obviously, was still snoozing and using him as a comfortable foot rest. Tracer and Genji were leaned against each other snoring while the Brit had the dragon toy dangling from her hand. Ana and Jack had switched places, and he could hear the soldier breathing heavily from sleep.

The older sniper caught the younger's eyes in the mirror.

"Good morning Hanzo." Ana greeted.

"Good morning." Came the reply as Hanzo eased back, turning to the trunk to grab the comb out of the bag while little to no pain from his gunshot wounds affected him.

"We seemed to have crossed another border. We must be near the east since the sign said 'Washington'. If we get to the capital, maybe we can signal Winston or something through the cameras." Ana had a look of determination on her face.

Hanzo only rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry if I'm being a pessimist, but how can we get from California to Virginia in one day?"

"Virgin? What?" A glare shot his way. "What are you implying?"

"N-no!" A deadpanned face fell into small hands. "Gah, look there are two places in America that are associated with 'Washington' if I am correct. I only know that through one of the jobs I had when I was working alone."

"Oh. Oh shit, where the fuck are we then?" Ana whipped her head around, trying to find somewhere to pull over. "There's a state park up here. Should we stop?"

Hanzo shrugged as someone else answered.  
  
"Nnng, did someone say park?" Genji blearily sat up. Tracer fell flat on her face in the middle seat, forcing her to wake.

" **You little fucking bitch** " She began before looking at her surroundings. "Oh! Hey everybody! Good morning!"

The three greeted her. It was a slow drive up the now mountainous area, trees decking everything in sight as they moved to where the ranger station and park was. McCree probably wouldn't wake up until eight or nine, which gave Genji enough time to draw a unibrow and spectacle on his face with a marker they found in the glove box.

By the time they made it to the station it was around seven. The blue van slowed in the lot, parking crookedly in the designated gravel area.

"Alright, everyone get out and go to the bathroom. Stretch your legs maybe but don't work up too much of a sweat, we only have one can of car spray." With that, Ana unbuckled and went to try and break into the station.

With nothing else to really do, Hanzo shook McCree gently to ease him awake. Big honey eyes flickered open, scrunching made the makeshift unibrow gather in the middle. Holding off his laugh, the archer told him of their arrival and how they should get outside while they could. The group of four wandered out of the van slowly, leaving Jack in the passenger seat to snooze a while.

"Well, I'm going to the bathroom loves. I think it might be a one stall." Tracer tapped on her chin and she started walking over to the small building. The boys waited their turn, and after everyone had been relieved the group decided to explore a little. (Three of the four happy that there wasn't a mirror in the bathroom so that McCree couldn't see what they had done.)

"Oooh, look!" The cyborg pointed one long finger towards a small wooden park. It wasn't that far, literally a little ways off but in sight of the van.

"I don't know, should we tell Jack or Ana?" Hanzo quipped.

"Stop being a pussy and let's have fun." Tracer started dragging him through the inch of snow towards the wood shaving covered area.

It was a smaller park. It's tallest flooring went up about three feet higher than McCree. The two plastic slides took up the landings, while there were only a few climbing stations and a rock wall. There was a swing set that had two separate seats and a teeter-totter, both of them metal instead of wooden. All in all, it looked pretty cool.

"So _this_ is why people say kids should get out more!" Tracer laughed as she slid down the largest slide that was an encased tube. Before reaching the bottom, she recalled to do it all over again, much to Genji's annoyance.

"Tracer! Stop stealing my turn!" A metal foot hefted down onto the wood plankings.

While the two bickered about turns, Hanzo decided to give a go at the rock wall that was no more than five feet high but he's short so it looked quite a bit taller. McCree sat on the swing and kicked off to go as high as he could while he watched his companions run amuck.

During their escapades, Jack awoke with a start. The strange dream he had been having had suddenly turned into a nightmare. Shaking his head, the white-haired man slowly sat up and cracked his back.

"Ugh. Where are we?" He turned to the driver's seat to find it surprisingly empty. "Huh?"

He whipped himself around to find the entire car empty. A red visor peeked out of the window that was beginning to frost and saw four deadly and highly trained agent-children playing at a wooden park.

"Damn kids. Nobody ever tells me when we get places. Why is it so fucking cold?" The aged soldier shivered in his seat, pulling his red blanket tighter around shivering shoulders. He may have also stolen Genji's purple sheet. He stayed awake to watch the rest of the team enjoy themselves.

A few hundred feet away, Ana was crawling through a window and shooting cameras trying to find snack foods and maps to find out where they were going.

-

It was about thirty minutes after they had arrived at the park when Hanzo and McCree decided that it was time for a race down the double slide.

"You better prepare yourself darlin', 'cause you're bout to get your ass handed to you." A smirk covered a smug face as they took their places.

"If I win I get to take your arm for the day." Hanzo raised the stakes when he sat down on the left side of the 'track'.

"Alright, but I get a leg from you." McCree squinted his eyes in concentration.

Hanzo scoffed. "That deal won't work, my legs are fused." He smirked at the defeated face of the cowboy.

"Shit, fine. How's about you get the arm and the hat if I get your hair ribbon, blanket, and pillow?" They readied themselves as Tracer got into position at the side of the slide.

"If it's just for the day, then yes." McCree gave a quick handshake in agreement and they waited for the countdown from Genji.

Also, he still had the marker unibrow and spectacle.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO"

They launched off, but McCree rolled quickly down and landed in a soft patch of snow. This tactic left Hanzo in the dust, effectively making everyone break out in an argument.

"Now that wasn't cheatin'!"

"Yes it was!"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"I didn't use my abilities, why do you get to use yours?!"

-

Way off into the woods, close enough to hear and see them but deep enough to be hidden by the trees, a figure watched the group as they fought.

"Dios mio what have I raised." A clawed hand covered a bone mask face. "They're being hunted down by one of the most ruthless murderers in existence along with a massive group of talon agents while having no connection to their base. What do they do?"

He thrust his hand towards the now more calmed group at the park.

Yeah, Reaper was talking to himself, but sometimes he needed expert advice.

"What the hell is on that annoying shit's face? Is that sharpie?"

Remembering that this _was_ McCree, he decided to make his move and take down this little group while he could. However, he started hesitating on the idea when he knew that, you know, McCree was in that specific group.

"He's nothing to me anymore." The edge lord repeated to himself. "I just need to go in there and get this done."

And doing that he attempted to do.

-

"Alright, so we'll rematch it but no abilities, no throwing prosthetics, no throwing clothing, and no pulling other people back to try and make them lose. Deal?" They had come to a conclusion.

While McCree and Hanzo got up to their positions, the skilled sniper sensed something was off. Looking up, dark brown eyes darted behind Tracer to see a small black hole with smoke pouring out appear.

"GUYS" He fell on his butt, scooching away as a large figure appeared behind her.

Everyone was silent.

Except Tracer.

"What? Is it a bee?" She turned, only to be met head on with a very scary and familiar looking gun.

"Death comes." A click from the safety.

Instead of running, the Brit started laughing. As well as the others.

" **DID YOU HEAR HIM** "

" **dEATH COMES? MORE LIKE DEATH**... _**CUMS**_ "

McCree made a jacking motion with his hand and they started laughing even more.

"I-It's not like that!" Reaper stamped his foot. They should be shitting themselves in fright. A door slamming and swift footsteps had the white mask look up as the soldier from the field came rushing forward, gun on his back.

"Hey! Get away from my kids you creep!" He skid to a stop in front of the larger male.

They had quite the glaring contest, or as good as a glaring contest could get when it was two guys who had their eyes mostly covered in some way.

"Look Reaper, I'm gonna tell you this once and only once, get lost before I tear you a new asshole to spew those cheap lines out of." A gasp escaped Genji.

" **OOH ROASTED LIKE MY MOther when we had to get her cremated** "

Reaper scoffed, dropping his guns to the side as he shot back his own response.

" _What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, daddio."_

At the end of his rant, he was knocked unconscious by Ana hitting him as hard as she could over the head with her gun.

It snapped in half, but as they dragged his body to the van she said it was totally worth it.

-

"So, what else did you find in the station?" Jack asked as he munched on some of the granola bars Ana had stolen. "You know besides the food, sasquatch puppet, a bunch of shit from the tourist shop, and three shovels. Were you able to find a map or something? I'm pretty sure a park place would have a map."

"They had nothing of the sort Jack." **They totally had a shit ton of maps** but Ana forgot to grab one in when she had seen the puppet. Plus they were two hours away from the park when she realized her mistake. "It must have been more of a local place."

He shrugged and leaned back into his seat, cocking his head to get a view in the back.

Genji and Tracer had put the sasquatch on Reapers right hand, making it battle the dragon dildo that was force-clutched in his left. The death bringer was still unconscious, making the whole thing six times better.

The cowboy and archer were in the way back. White eyebrows shot up when he saw the large hat that usually rested on brown hair now perched on black locks. Not only that, but a metal hand was held in a strong arm as the two talked to each other. They were closer together, sharing their two blankets and leaning their pillows against one another as Hanzo used his free hand to attempt to pull up the other's oak hair in some sort of high pony tail with his gold hair ribbon.

Well then, that was new. Had that happened right under his nose? They didn't look together together though, just really comfortable. Maybe that was all it was.

A movement caught his eye.

Reaper was waking up.

**sHIT**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji: hanzo bro  
> Hanzo: wat  
> Genji: can u meme  
> Hanzo: wat  
> Genji: can u meme  
> Hanzo: idk can u not  
> Genji: crie  
> Hanzo: crie as well  
> Genji: You are the reason I wait for the sweet embrace of death that flutters above my thoughts in every waking moment that I see you. You are the reason that I have almost died once, and many times after that. You are the reason that every moment I spend realizing that my life could have been normal, and not ripped from the grasps of my young hands, you remind me of what I will never have. You've taken parts of me that will never be repaired, and I pray every night to anything that will listen to me that one day you realize that what you've done has affected me to the point in which I would consider taking my own life if I had a chance to.  
> Hanzo: penis


	5. I-got-hoes (Idaho)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MONDAYS ARE A BITCH  
> I love YOU GUYS  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS :D ILYILYILY  
> Here we go, time for dad squad to REUNITE  
> Jsyk Jack doesn't know Reaper is Gabe  
> And Reaper doesn't know 76 is Jack  
> Not angsty, but enough crack to carry you through.  
> PS I FOUND MY PLOT HOLES AND FILLED THEM, THAT IS THE EDITING I HAVE DONE  
> REAPER WASN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS JACK AND NOW IT IS FIXED :3 FORGIVE ME PLZ

 

The ride was silent.

All Hanzo could focus on was the black hood that shook side to side as a loud groan flew into the van.

"[FUck my head hurts, what happened?]" The Spanish flowed freely from a groggy mouth.

Everyone exchanged terse looks as the dark figure started stretching his neck. Clawed hands that were occupied jerked out of the grasps of the two agents in the mid row, sasquatch puppet staying on while the dragon toy dropped to the floor. Those hands rubbed at the mask where the eye sockets were. Feeling the soft fur of the creature, however, had Reaper snapping his head up to look at the bewildered faces of his enemies.

"What the fuck?" Red eye slits flew down to his lap to see a simple single belt buckle draped across his thighs. It was literally the only thing holding him back. "Wha- Why?! Where am I? Why did you kidnap me?"

A chuckle escaped the soldier from the front. Tracer decided to give a quick hello while Genji gave the peace sign with yo. Hanzo and McCree gave the same howdy.

"Well, 76 did tell you to go away. You had a chance and you ruined it." The scolding from Ana was nothing more than a mosquito bite.

"You stupid ass mother fuckers," Reaper huffed, placing a finger on his ear to activate his comm. To his surprise, though, they actually did something right and took away his privileges to call home. "Hmm. Guess I'll have to give you a warning right back then."

His eyes locked with the visor that was staring at him from the front.

" _If you don't release me, I swear I'll bring a torturing merciless death to anything and everything you love. Not only will they be grateful when their souls are sucked out from existen_ -"

"Okay let me stop you right there," Hanzo interrupted as Reaper jumped in surprise at the intrusion. The death angel whipped his head to the back to face the intruder head on, withering when he saw the cowboy hat on the Asian. "I have a question. Is you going on a ten-minute rant when someone says something going to be an everytime thing? Because honestly hearing you talk is the only thing that would be worse than death right now."

Reaper slowly looked down in sadness to the sasquatch puppet on his hand.

"Hey, don't say shit like that. Only I can say that to him!" The blue jacket dude was quick to the rescue. Reaper's head shot up and looked at the visor that glared at the archer in the back.

Hanzo huffed and didn't say anything else.

"Good. Now," The red line turned to Reaper. "You're literally nothing. No one likes you, and you're probably ugly under the mask."

The dark cape fluttered in anger. "Alright fine, fuck you people." White talons simply clicked the belt buckle to set himself free.

"Ah ah ah, I wouldn't do that if I were you!" Genji pushed Reaper back down when he stood to smash a window out. The half Latino turned to him quickly, pushing back.

"Why not, **you little shit**?" The gravelly voice made the man in the passenger seat shiver as Genji snorted.

"I like this guy, this guy is okay. We're gonna be great pals." A metallic hand patted a beefy shoulder, forcing him to sit down again. "But I wouldn't do that if I were you, seriously. Ana doesn't like it when we stand in the car."

True to the tale, Reaper looked up to see Ana holding Soldier 76's pulse rifle towards his seat.

A huff escaped the murderer. "Fine. How long until we stop so I can ditch you guys? I need to get back to my base so I can finish my top secret plan to eradicate Overwatch."

A pale throat hummed and a covered face looked towards McCree. "I failed geometry in high school."

"You mean geography"

"Fuck you I know what I meant. Anyways, I have no idea where we are. Do you?" McCree shrugged at the question.

"All I know that if we were to have gone east when we busted out of Cali, we would have made it to New Mexico. My guess is that we gotta start going that direction, south, or somethin'." The gunslinger grinned in Reaper's direction. "Looks like your in for a long ride, pardner."

"You can't physically look smug with that shit on your face." A pointed claw gestured towards the marked face.

"Wha'?" McCree's flesh hand touched his face in surprise. "What's on mah face?!" The crew laughed as McCree flushed and scrambled around to the trunk to grab the pocket mirror Ana had stolen.

Many swears flew out of his mouth, mainly at Genji. And most of them being about pieces of feces being of an inadequate size. He grabbed a water bottle and a towel they had stolen from the rest stop and began the scrubbing process with Hanzo's help.

Reaper stopped himself from laughing, trying to find a way out of this hell hole. Another glance at his hand made him realize that the puppet was still there, and he took it off. He turned it over in his hand, a question surfacing.

"Where the hell did you guys get this thing?" He asked.

"Your mom." Ana shot back.

It was going to be a very long ride.

-

And a long ride it was.

Reaper had checked the time when he had woken up. It had been eight, almost nine in the morning, but now it was nearing six in the late afternoon. All throughout the ride he heard Tracer's constant humming, Genji tapping a beat on his metal arms, Hanzo and McCree making small talk, and catching "dad" staring at him at least twenty times. It was becoming quite the burden, especially when the visor seemed to be dipping lower as a dark lower half was getting checked out.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." He had said. The guy pulled out a disposable camera.

He took the picture. What a _**savage**_.

He was about to punch someone when Ana pointed at a metal sign that flew by them.

" **POTATO**!" She screamed. " **WHAT LAND IS THIS? AMERICA TRULY IS THE LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE BRAVE**."

"We are in potato land Hanzo," Genji leaned back to catch dark eyes. "You should fit right in."

"Boi we in Idaho what the fuck"

"Genji stop picking on your brother." The man up front scolded.

Hanzo smirked towards the other and pulled on the hat that was still resting on his head in a mock tip. McCree cackled at the gesture as Ana began to sigh.

"Alright. I'm starting to get very tired. You want to drive now, Jack?" He nodded at told her to pull over.

"Jack?" A deep voice questioned. "Your real name is Jack?"

The red line whipped back and looked at Reaper. "Yeah. What's yours?"

He didn't hear the question. All he could do was look at the man in the front seat in shock. Jack? The attitude, the hair, that scar just underneath his right ear, the way his shoulders were bulked but his torso fanned in to create the perfect leverage of a pretty boy.

"Goldie Locks? Is that you?"

The van jerked to the side of the road, dragon dildo flying across the seat over to Genji's side.

"Both of you, get out." Ana demanded. Jack jumped out of the van speechless and pale, and Reaper climbed over the cyborg and out of the door. The door was shut, and the blue automobile was turned off. Ana followed after she put Hanzo in the front seat, just in case.

Jack was turned away, hand over where his mouth would be on the mask and his free arm hugging himself. No one had called him that since...

Since his SEP days. And after that, when Overwatch was still a public thing. It had stopped when _that man_ ruined everything.

That man, _that thing_ -

Was Gabriel.

It had been years. He searched everywhere, trying to find a body or just something, even after they had supposedly "died" in the blast. Jack just kept looking for his lover-gone-mad, but he was never able to have peace. It took time, but over the years he forgave him. Hell, Jack wanted to apologize for being selfish, anything to be able to fix them. He was nothing without his other half. He wanted to tell him that there was no more strife between them, and now he had a chance to.

Reaper was standing a good fifteen feet behind him, shuffling in place as the large shoulders shook.

"Take off the mask." Reaper flinched back at the tone. Jack turned to him, hands curling at his sides. " **Take. Off. The. Mask.** "

Reaper shrunk. "I-I can't. I won't." He couldn't. He couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Please." Jack broke, whimpering. " _Please_ , for me."

The sudden change shook Gabriel. "Only if you do the same."

The soldier tore off the bottom of his mask. Those lips looked familiar, as well as that blocky nose. "All of it." Reaper requested.

"I can't." The visor dimmed when Jack said no. Gabriel tisked at the answer before hearing the rest of it. "I won't be able to see you."

It was a slap in the face. Wouldn't be able to see him? He was- Without the visor he couldn't-  
Reaper ripped off his mask and threw it to the ground. It landed softly in the grass as he tore his hood back to reveal his scarred, old face. His brown eyes were gone, red completely taking over the iris. There was gray through his short hair, and on his tan face there were ripped holes that leaked black smoke. The groomed goatee hadn't left, much for old time's sake. He was breathless when he breathed his lost love's name.

"Jack-"

"Gabriel-"

The two rushed forward. Gabriel wrapped his arms tightly around the blue jacket, a sob escaping him as Jack's own arms embraced him. The dark clad male gasped as he was lifted, surprised at the elation of his found-partner.

"Honey bear!" Armored arms now wrapped around a pale neck as he voiced the pet names they had lost in time.

"Sweetie-pie!" The scarred face snuggled into a built chest, tears flowing from the bottom of the visor as he reciprocated.

"Angel bear!"

"Dark baby!"

"Su **gar daddy**!"

" **Negro amigo**!"

Tracer made gagging noises outside of the window. Old people were so nasty together.  
  
Ana 'Aw'd' at the sight. They had been so close in the old Overwatch, the power couple everyone wanted to be. They were perfect for each other until the promotions ruined everything and they were torn apart. Now was the time to take back what was theirs. It was perfect.

It took a good thirty minutes for them to finally break apart, careless whispers and all. The tears flowed freely as the sun began to set in the background, lips softly meeting in the middle.

 

  How could the kids let that be

 

"AYY LMAO GET SOME"

"YEET"

"OH MY LAWD GET ME SOME WATER FOR THIS THIRST"

Ana walked over to the back of the van, opening the door to the middle row and climbed in as Hanzo climbed to the very back. They chattered about the reunion, McCree filling in most of the lost information that Genji and the archer may not have known.

It took a while, the two still locked in an embrace until they both agreed that they needed to start moving again. Grabbing their masks and tossing them back on, the pair slid into their seats and locked hands in the middle, smiling even if they couldn't see the others.

Genji leaned forward and slowly caressed Reaper's face with the dragon dildo.

"Can eech ee wahs new daddy, we love you"

The white mask slowly turned around to face the ninja. Death only had one thing to say to his new companion.

" _ **Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo**_."

Hanzo choked on air while Genji screamed praises. The van started a slow roll forward, beginning to get back on the journey.

 

Truly they had gained an amazing ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji: Hey  
> 76: wat  
> Genji: the fuk u not Hanzo  
> 76: shit  
> Hanzo: wat  
> Genji: I no longer trust you  
> Hanzo: Genji plz


	6. Nah-man (Nevada, arrival)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAHHH  
> I'M BAAAACK :D  
> School is a pain as well as work, but hey I got a new job so that's good right lol  
> Hanzo is really just my fave character even though I can't play him for shit because fuck you that's why  
> ALSO UPRISING IS AMAZING JUST SAYING. Blackwatch McCree is the best thing to happen atm because now we get the young!Mchanzo we've been dreaming of since it became a thing. His beard is fucking hilarious though. And Genji is edgy AS FUCK but hey he was viciously murdered by his brother so what can you do lolz  
> everycharacterinthisfichassomesaltforHanzo justsaying

 

The ride was peaceful.

The trip was less of a hassle and more of an enjoyment for everyone now. Hanzo leaned back into his seat, eyes drooping. It was near ten o'clock at night.

McCree had fallen asleep, the hair ribbon out of his hair and in his hands as he leaned towards the middle pile of pillows. Soft brown strands fell in a pleasing manner on his face, covering where there was just a hint of marker that wouldn't wash off. His left arm, which only went up to the elbow before it became a stump, was smushed by a barrelled chest that was donned in the blue flannel they had stolen. He looked very comfortable.

A small smile found its way onto the usually stern face. In front of him, Tracer and Genji were leaned on Ana, softly snoozing. The old woman had her head tossed back and was snoring loudly. Jack was in the front, talking quietly and laughing with Reaper. They had taken their masks off, probably more comfortable now that everyone else was asleep.

Well, everyone but Hanzo of course.

He just couldn't sleep tonight. The car in the back was a bit cramped (remember the tall gunslinger next to him), and there wasn't enough leg room to attempt to lay down. If it could get any more uncomfortable, it did. His ass had just become numb from sitting for almost four hours straight, no repositioning or anything. They really needed to re-work seat spots.

Yeah, he liked sitting next to McCree, but when night came it was quite annoying. If he asked, maybe they could squish side by side laying down. That would seem rude though since it was asking the cowboy to give up most if not all of his personal space, so Hanzo decided against it as he pulled the old stetson over his face and attempted to ignore the pins and needles building in his thighs.

-

The morning came quickly. Team members stretched in a dazed yawn as the clock turned to eight in the morning. The hat was off, stolen back by its original owner as well as the arm while the signature ribbon had been given back per the only-for-a-day deal. Hanzo sat quietly against the window, eyes red with dark blue and black bags under them.

McCree noticed immediately.

"Uh, Hanz, y'all right?" His concerning voice drew the attention of everyone.

" **I sometimes wonder if death is a hindrance or an escape from the dark twisted world around us** "

"He's good!" McCree gave a thumbs up in the rear view mirror when Jack had glanced to check what the problem was.

They drove for a bit longer, watching the scenery slowly start to degrade into sand pits and sparse grass. Throughout the ride, Hanzo's brown eyes would flutter shut before snapping open when he was prodded by the Brit in the seat before him, asking mundane things and attempting to keep the archer awake. It became apparent that the short man wouldn't make it through the day, so they backed off when he started snipping at them in angry Japanese. By the time high noon had shown its face, everyone was content with just sitting in silence.

They had stopped at maybe one or two rest stops, Jack and Reaper switching seats with Ana and Tracer for some shut-eye, but the rest of the day was full of driving and a moody Hanzo.

-

Heavy eyelids had fluttered closed for maybe ten minutes, fifteen if he had been lucky. There was a shout from the front that jerked him and the others awake.

"Nevada?" Tracer cocked her head. "Like, isn't this where you grew up Gabe?" A smile reached around to the row behind the passenger's seat where the man was put in the middle seat.

"Don't call me that." He scoffed. "I'm from Los Angeles, not Las Vegas you uncultured swine." Genji laughed at that, nudging the black covered shoulder with his own. "Shut the hell up, kid. Your culture thinks tentacles are sexy."

A hurt sound escaped Genji while Hanzo frowned.

He _did_ think tentacles were kind of sexy.

"Okay, enough of that. I need help here, do we go on this exit or-?" Ana looked around at the places coming up. There was an exit to a small run-down town, but should they risk having another California moment?

Reaper, however, seemed to perk up and have an idea.

"Keep going on the highway. If we make it to Vegas, I might be able to contact some people." The last word was drawn out. "If they're still there. We need to get to the big castle."

"Big castle?"

"Don't question it. Just go."

So they went. The van rolled swiftly on the dusty road for another six hours, making everyone squirm with unspent energy. The night sky was dark, allowing the lights of the city to come into clear view.

The road was quickly crowded, cars jamming everywhere as people were flooding the streets. The team hadn't even come close to the city yet before the flow of traffic began to push them around.

"Do I get off here?!" Ana and Reaper were in a screaming match. Hanzo was leaned forward, head in hands, eyes red with exhaustion and a burning migraine. McCree was on his window, casting nervous glances at the two bickering and back to where the archer was brooding. Genji was covering Tracer's ears while the Brit covered his.

"Do I nEED TO TELL YOU AGAIN?!" Jack flinched at the tone. "ARE YOU DEAF?! NOT THIS ROAD THE NEXT ONE. TURN RIGHT AT THE NEXT ROAD!"

"WELL IF YOU HAD SAID THAT SOONER I MIGHT HAVE MADE IT. I MISSED IT. WHERE TO NOW, CAPTAIN?!"

Hanzo's eyes filled with rage from the strain. He was so tired and this wasn't helping at all.

"Are you sERIOUS?!" Reaper jumped up to the front of the car, grabbing the wheel and slightly jerking the vehicle. "Just hit the pedal, **I'LL DRIVE**."

The van swerved everywhere, clipping other cars left and right. By the time they had made it to the busy streets of downtown, there was a bundle of noticeable dents. The twists, turns, and awkward angles made the crew's head spin as the lights blinked and the music pounded loudly. It was night time, and drunks and skimpily clad people paraded the streets, proudly showing off muscles and curves wherever they could.

"Kids, don't look!" Jack gasped as a bright digital billboard of naked men and women graced their presence while the van was forced to move at a snail's pace. "The nerve of some people, putting that shit up where anybody can see it!"

"You do realize we're all well over the age of twenty, love?" Tracer looked back after staring at one of the red-haired girls on the board. "Honestly I could get a piece of that right about now, you know what I'm saying?"

Genji cried, digging his hands into where his eyes would be.

They drove about five minutes before Reaper, who was still forcing his way forward from the back, pointed up towards a building just to the left of them. It was a magnificent sight, the blue, red, orange, and yellow tops of the towers designed quite literally like a castle. There was a large hotel-like structure built onto the back of it; the rooms were dotted with lights from people who were staying in their confinement.

"That's where we need to go. Find a way to the parking lot, my hips hurt." The old man groaned as he sat back in the proper position, keening slightly when Jack began to massage them. The kids gagged.

Eventually, Ana forced her way into the large garage that would house their vehicle while Reaper talked to whoever he needed to talk to. They all exited the prison they had stayed in for the last four or five days, none of them could tell anymore. The entrance door was a large glass piece, elegantly designed and very fragile looking.

They got quite the stares as they came in. Reaper and Jack were in the lead, both looking pretty scary in their battle gear. Ana looked like their elderly mother, wearing a white nightgown with a hood drawn up and hair covering where her eye was lost as she followed closely behind. Tracer was still in her gear as well, looking like a lost child as she clutched onto the cyborg's hand next to her in attempts to not get lost in the small crowd of people. Hanzo had been trailing McCree, pillow in hand, in his pajama set while the gunslinger had on his, following the lead but also leading the angry archer.

Reaper walked up at least ten flights of steps, traversed through a multitude of hallways, and cursed at maybe a dozen people in Spanish before a figure that could help appeared.

They had been corralled into a meeting room of sorts, much smaller than what the norm was. The lights were a bright white, the carpet was the usual hotel short hair, and the walls were unsurprisingly white. Hanzo's head pounded as the doors flew open and a very hefty looking Italian made his way in. He was dressed in the stereotypical attire, gold chain and all, as he smiled and embraced the dead-but-alive man in front of him.

Hanzo grimaced as they talked. It was rowdy and loud, all smiles and too much noise. It was becoming overwhelming, so much so that a wave of nausea and dizziness overtook him. He leaned forward a bit too much, the room was spinning and _where was he again_?

-

McCree hadn't been paying attention, honestly. Reaper was talking to the man in fluid Spanish for directions to the nearest communication station there was, hoping to find a way to deliver the Overwatch agents back home and maybe force his way into the organization. That, or just attempt to form an alliance. Anything to have his Jackie boy back. They spoke of 76 being Jack fucking Morrison, the assumed dead guy Gabe had bonked in the old days before going postal. At first, the big guy wasn't having it. Betraying Talon because of some relationship was absurd and dangerous, but a well-stocked cash card and maybe a drive or two of information being handed over changed his mind. They were shaking hands when it happened.

Hanzo had fallen forward, pillow and face breaking some of the fall as he crashed to the ground. Genji pointed and laughed while Tracer hid a snort behind her hand. McCree was the only one to jump, attempting to see what the matter was only to find that the archer was unconscious.

"Is he alright?" Ana came over, sweeping a hand across the pale forehead. " **Do I need to administer a nano-boost**?"

"No!" McCree stopped the needle in her hand. "He's good. Real good, Grammy. I think he's just tuckered out. I'll take him back to the van if y'all'r done here."

The man they had been doing business with shook his head and chuckled. "No, no! Please, have a room! It's the least I can do for the generous donation your friend has given me." A sultry look was passed to the dark dressed male. "Whatever you need, I'll have the tab. Please enjoy yourselves, you are in Vegas!"

A few more words were exchanged as well as thanks before McCree was handed a key to a room with a big number. He went to lift Hanzo up by the shoulders before crumpling under the weight. (Turns out, chickenlegs was pretty heavy). So, pushing pride aside, he scooped the Japanese man into his arms princess style with a huff.

He was teased the entire way to their room but didn't mind it. It ain't teasing if it's true.  
_Not that he would ever fucking tell Hanzo that tidbit though_

-

It was a pretty spacious place. They weren't in a penthouse or anything, but they had been given a very nice room. There were two double beds, a couch, a large Television stand, a luxurious bathing room, and a mini kitchen that looked pristine.

Compared to the old van this was quite literally heaven.

Tracer fwipped over to one of the beds, sprawling out and sighing. Genji began to jump on the other one while McCree was left to struggle with the unconscious body of Hanzo.

"Hey, a little help would be nice!" He yelled to the others. Ana laughed as she passed.

"Alright, time to set up who's sleeping where." The elder commanded.

"Yeah, just leave me to carry the dead weight"

"Tracer, you and I can share the bed closest to the window."

"Guys, heLP PLEASE"

"Genji, are you comfortable sleeping with your brother?"

"Shit he's fALLIN'."

"Wait, can the three of you fit on the bed?"

A loud thump was heard, the source of the noise being Hanzo graciously falling to the floor and snapping awake at the pain.

"My brO **THER IS DEAD**." His eyes flew open, grappling at the pillow that was miraculously still in his hands. " **I KILLED HIM WITH MY OWN HANDS**."

McCree rolled his eyes and hefted him up onto his own two feet. The small Japanese man was breathing heavy and dark eyes darted around, seeing where he was.

"All right, Hanzo, you can take the couch." Ana waved over to the small two-seater that would just barely fit him. "Now, time for showers and a good nights sleep." Before the archer could argue, the time traveler threw out a question.

"Wait, where are pinto bean and navy bean going to sleep?" Tracer cocked her head.

"You mean Reaper and dad?" Genji turned her way as he pulled the covers back from the double bed. "That one creepy Italian dude gave them a key. They must have split up when we were getting the shit from the van and trying to knock Hanzo out of McCree's hand."

"You what-"

"I'm first for the showers!" The elderly sniper quickly rushed to the bathroom, swiftly closing and locking the door.

"Out of your hands-" A pointed look was given to a pink-faced McCree.

"Oh, me next!" Tracer jumped up from where she had been laying. A remote was produced magically from the nightstand and she began speeding through channels.

"Are you all just going to keep interrupti-"

"I call third!" Smug green eyes glanced over to Hanzo's position. "What was that brother? Are you trying to say something?"

Hanzo tightened his lips as brown eyes glared at the cyborg.

"That's what I thought."

After a while, the T.V. eventually settled on a mindless kids movie as two deadly agents sat on the floor in front of it. Ana was brushing her damp hair and braiding it into the usual look while sitting on the bed. Tracer was doodling in the hotel notebook, making little versions of Hanzo being shot by the rest of the team in his boring classic skin because he didn't have any cool new ones like the rest of them. Genji was in the shower, probably washing his face because it was literally the only flesh part of his body now. McCree and Hanzo were paying very close attention to the lion that was trying to find his son in a wildebeest stampede.

"This kids movie is bullshit. It's trying to make me like the lion guy like I'm some sensitive prick, but I ain't gonna fall that easily." McCree was corrected exactly twenty seconds later as the little lion tried to wake his dead father.

He cried.

Hanzo awkwardly patted the hardened cowboy's back in an attempt to comfort him. It wasn't working.

Genji exited the bathroom, towel speeding off of his shoulders as he threw it in McCree's face. "Shower's free!" He leaped into the free bed, snuggling into the comforter.

The gunslinger sniffed as he got to his feet, offering a hand to his friend. Hanzo took it gladly.

"You wanna go first? I don't mind waitin'. Plus you look like you're 'bout to fall over again." McCree wiped his eyes and gave a weak smile at the companion.

"I do?" Hanzo rubbed his face, not noticing the black eyes and pale features. "No, please, you go first. I don't mind waiting."

The cowboy gave a 'you sure' before being shoved over to the washing area.

-

By the time Hanzo was able to gain the shower, his knees were weak and wobbly. It was close to midnight, and who knew how early of a morning they would be having tomorrow. Entering the steamy tiled room, he was "pleased" to find that there was only one clean small hand towel that he would be using to dry off.

No yeah, it's okay. It's totally okay.

It's not **fucking okay.**

Hanzo griped to himself as he turned the knob over to the hot water department only to find luke-warm at best fluid rushing out. Not looking a gift horse in the mouth to make this worse, the washing was quickly taken on. Of course, not all good things last, as the water soon began to turn an icy cold as the shampoo was just being rinsed out.

The rest of the shower went by a lot faster.

The small man was shivering as his sensitive metal feet hit the cold tiles, inwardly cursing his teammates out. The small towel only held up so much before it was soaked and did little to nothing for help. The sniper tried wringing it out, but nothing was working. A quick glance over to the rack where the other towels were hanging produced one that had been used, but did he really want to risk using it? What if it was Ana's? He outwardly gagged as he thought what it might have touched.

It was while brushing his teeth he noticed his dilemma. The team had brought their clothes to the room. That means he needed to ask someone to grab a shirt and some shorts from the backpack. Which meant awkward hand towel covering crotch maneuver. Maybe he could just peek his head out?

Hanzo was absolutely delirious, seeing as all he had to do was shout from within the bathroom, but going a full 24-30 hours without sleep did weird things to people.

-

McCree had been leaned against the headboard. The two ladies were asleep in their area while Genji snoozed away to the right of him, probably dreaming of Mercy. A smile cracked on his face, they were super cute together. A creak made his head snap up towards the bathroom as a very _very_ lightly clothed Hanzo stumbled out a few inches.

"Would you mind getting me a pair of-" Nothing more was said as he, once again, fell forward. At least his arms broke most of the fall this time and not his face.

McCree jolted up and out of the sheets, rushing forward and lifting Hanzo a bit. He was met with a scary sight, pale skin completely flushed to a paper white while the touch was freezing cold.

"Shit darlin', what the hell are you doing to yourself?!" The body was dragged over to the bed while honey eyes tried very hard not to gaze at -ahem- that. "Hope you don't mind sleepin' in the nude."

The figure was hefted into the sheets, still bitter cold compared to the warm hands that were trying to tuck him in on the archer's left side. With a quick glance at the others, just to make sure they were asleep, the cowboy squished himself in-between the two Shimadas and spooned the shorter. His boxer clad butt pushed Genji to the very edge of the bed, arms dangling dangerously off of the side, before retreating back to be flush against Hanzo. Most of the shivering had stopped, he noticed, but there was a chill to the skin that he desperately tried to squash.

The large palms rubbed at the cold sides, the friction beginning to help, while his thighs, calves, and feet began to rub against whatever they could to try and flare up some heat. Turns out, Hanzo's prosthetics were a velvety texture where there wasn't any metal connecting them. That was quite the shock since McCree knew that his own arm was as hard and sleek as a sheet of steel. If people were able to make limbs like these, he could only imagine what they could do to his arm.

His deep hum of thought made the archer stir slightly, cowboy going into an imminent panic, as a groan and teeth began to chatter. Dark eyes fluttered open, scanning the room before a small gasp escaped him as a flesh hand and arm stilled around his ribs and abdomen. Slightly wet hair flopped around as Hanzo's head jerked down, lifting the comforter to see the hairy body part nestled against him. The head moved again as wide eyes looked behind him to see McCree sheepishly grinning at him.

"Howdy partner." He whispered, flinching at the eyes that hardened at him.

"McCree-e-e-e-e-e" The teeth interrupted the speech. "Le-e-e-e-t g-g-g-oo-o-o-o-o." He was still terribly cold.

"Hanz, you're colder than the hate Gabe had towards Jack when the guy was promoted to strike commander and he only got Blackwatch, driving him to a state of jealousy that ended the entirety of Overwatch with a bombing that killed thousands of people." Honey eyes sternly held the gaze, arm wrapping tighter around the midsection.

"That was, very detailed." Hanzo's eyebrows scrunched together as he looked off in thought, but returned soon after. "I'm f-f-f-ine."

"Sorry darlin', but you're just gonna have to deal with it tonight." A smirk was directed his way.

"Let me get some briefs at le-e-e-ast." A whimper escaped the chattering mouth, nudity now becoming very uncomfortable. He was released and acquired the item, but nearly chased when he tried to take the couch instead of returning to the warm safe-haven.  
  
"Y'all'r gonna let me take care of ya!" McCree whisper shouted as he wrestled the archer back into the bed, ignoring the words of protest. A huff escaped the dragon as he was forced onto his stomach and trapped under a larger body. Hanzo had to admit, he would have preferred to stay this way, limbs hooked under the others with a very warm torso pressed against him.

"Give up?" Honey eyes sparkled at the defeated tone of ' _yes_ '. "That's what I thought."

They got back into position, McCree pushing Genji over a little too much to where the metallic man's upper body fell off of the bed, but his lower half was still on so he counted that as okay. Hanzo was wrapped in almost all of the sheets, beginning to shiver again, while the cowboy wrapped himself around the other and continued to warm him.

They fell asleep soon after, cuddled together like a man dying in the freezing weather that was forced to viciously cut open a moose to sleep in its guts and blood for extreme survival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo: crie  
> Ganji: bro r u okay?  
> Hanzo: BlizzardFather forgot about me again  
> Genji: aw no he no give u skin?  
> Hazno: no, BlizzardFather hates me crie  
> Genji: gee that's 2 bad i mean look at this super cool blackwatch skin i got  
> Hanzo: brother please  
> Genji: and look even the sexy new rob0t lady oRIPa got a thing  
> Hanzo: I loved you  
> Genji: wow BlizzardFather really doesn't like u lol sucks man amiright?  
> Hanzo: Geenji plz


	7. Nah-man (Nevada, morning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm starting training at my new job which has me like "shit i get the moolahs soon"  
> but also has me like "shit how'm I gonna post shit about these lovely idiots"  
> so I came to a conclusion:  
> fuck you I'm spiderman.  
> Updates might be a little spotty, but I'm not giving up until the 50 states aRE FUCKING DONE BECUASE I'M HARDCORE YOU GO BIG OR YOU GO HOME FUCK ME JERRY  
> also remember how i said Hanzo is a furry

 

The ride was-

Oh, _wait_.

Hanzo cracked an eye slowly open.

The room around him was dim and smelled rather nice. Wherever he was, it was fucking comfortable. The sheets were soft, the pillows were fluffy, and the body in front of him was squishy and warm as all get out.

Both eyes were open now. What the hell happened?! Who, what, where? Looking up, the archer was graced with the sight of McCree tucked next to his body. Two burly arms entrapped him, one tightly around his midsection and the other just above his head but bent around to cocoon him. The sleeping face was buried deeply into soft black hair if the little snores on his head were anything to go by. Big legs and feet were tangled with his, ankles crossing and calves intertwined. The brawny chest and neck captured the archer's head, successfully gripping him in a tight "snuggle cuddle". It would have been "Shit fuck" if it hadn't escalated to "Shit fuCK **SHIT** " when a pressure made itself known on Hanzo's lower stomach.

Morning wood is normal unless it's pressed against your best friend.

Right now, McCree was sweetly dreaming as his surprise gift tried to get very acquainted with Hanzo.

A choked noise made its way out of his throat, trying to gently push away from the mass of tangled limbs. He eventually succeeded, but realized it wasn't worth it because now he was pretty cold in the chill of the room. Glancing around, the archer saw the time on a blinking desk alarm. Thirty minutes after nine in the morning, gosh he had slept in late. Another once-over revealed that Tracer was gone, probably to get breakfast, Ana still sleeping and making old people sleeping noises, Genji bent at an awkward angle on the side of the bed, face on the floor while his legs were dangling over his head in a "C" shape, and McCree now back to being on his own in the bed, arms stretched out to the side where Hanzo had just been.

He would be lying if he said he didn't want to get back in that bed.

Instead of listening to his conscious, the sniper decided to get dressed in the stolen whitet-shirts they had and pull on some pink shorts he found. They had English words on the butt of them, but he wasn't paying attention. His feet were less sensitive today, probably from finally getting a break, so he ignored the socks that were loosely hanging out of the bag. For a wake-up call, he went to the bathroom and did his business. After splashing cool water on his face and brushing his teeth (again), a comb ran through slightly tangled hair. Eventually, after searching for quite a bit, a yellow hair ribbon was found hanging over the bathroom door under a towel. Donning it, He made sure his legs were calibrated correctly and quietly sneaked over to where Jesse was.

" _Psst, McCree_." A slender finger poked at the gunslinger's face. " _Cowman, wake up_."

The large male grunted and swatted at his face. "'M sleepin'." The drawl was strong with this one. "Lemme 'lone."

"No. We must see where dad and-" Hanzo paused, not sure what to call Reaper. "The emo boyfriend went."

That did it. Lighter brown eyes flicked open, heavy with sleep. Slowly, the shooter sat up with a huff, throwing the blankets off and stretching like an oversized cat. Those arms went up and over his head as his back was stretched to the fullest, cracking with age.

"Now, time to-" Hanzo zipped around, covering his red face. "M-MCCREE CHECK YOURSELF PLEASE." _**He had forgotten about the little friend**_.

The brown-haired man looked at him in confusion before glancing down at the tent that was growing.

"SHIT FUCK **SHIT** SORRY" A pillow was slapped over it as McCree sprinted to the bathroom. Hanzo decided it was best just wait in the hallway as the water from the shower started, which could mean one of two things. The temperature of the fluid was either going to be really _really_ cold, or really  really hot.

N-Not that he cared about the temperature, and did he think hot? He meant warm. For calming. He stopped thinking before he could get ahead of himself.

The hallway was brightly lit, doors dotting all along them. There were two elevators at the end, one of them had just finished closing and began to travel to whichever floor it was to attend. The carpet in front of him was worn, a dark brown with light spotting. The place wasn't dirty, just well loved. About five minutes later, a freshly dressed McCree strutted out, blue flannel, worn jeans, hat and serape, with the peacekeeper firmly at his side, hidden but the bump Hanzo knew well enough.

"Where did you find the pants?" Hanzo asked as they began walking down the long walkway towards the metal boxes.

"They were in the bottom of the bag, I was hidin' 'em. Where on earth did you find those?" A wink was sent the archer's way as a metal finger flicked down to the pale pink covering that went down to Hanzo's mid-thigh. Dark eyes rolled in response as they reached their destination.

"Ooh, can I hit the button?" A flesh and metal hand clasped together as big puppy dog eyes glittered in Hanzo's direction.

A hum escaped the shorter man. They would have to make a deal, seeing as pressing the button was one of the archer's favourite things to do in life. "Only if I can press the one when we get into the elevator."

"Deal!" A large finger went to activate the button, but a shout distracted them.

Looking back, two pairs of eyebrows raised as their own cyborg sprinted to where they were, head at an awkward angle.

"Yo! You guys were just going to leave me?! How dare you!" The head flopped around, clearly not calibrated correctly. "You guys left me on the fucking floor, and this is how you help?" A sniff was heard.

"Brother, come here." Hanzo turned him around to access the back of the floppy neck. "Don't move, this might pinch a little."

"Stupid assholes, when was the last time I-" A girly yelp interrupted the metal man's speech pattern as the head fwipped back into its regular position. "That hurt!"

"Yeah, but probably a lot less than when I ripped you to shreds with my c **old hands and left you for dead.** " A small hand patted the hard shoulder.

Genji crossed is arms over his chest, clearly agitated at the defeat of not being able to be the little shit of the day. "What3v3r. Where are you guys going? And why did you steal my shorts?" The subject changed quickly.

McCree laughed as his finger pressed the button into position. Leave it to Genji to steal a clothing item like that.

"Because I can't walk around naked like you can." Hanzo looked over to where the elevator was coming up. "Plus they were the only ones clean that would fit me."

"You jerk, ask next time! I had a matching shirt to go with it and everything, and now I'm going to have to burn them!" The two brother's bickering was interrupted by the ding of the moving box.

"All right, all right, hush up you two," McCree said as he pushed them into the elevator. "We got's 'ta find dad and emo boyfriend to see if we can get home."

The three crowded in, Hanzo reaching to press the lobby floor. Before he could, however, he was cock blocked by the green ninja swiping his hand down every button available on the panel.

"Genji!" Two voices screamed as he began to cackle. They had been on the tenth floor, which meant awkward pauses at each and every floor below until they came to their desired one.

-

Ana groaned as she awoke, the sunlight pouring into the room and directly into her eye. Where her hair wasn't braided, it was frizzed beyond help. Sitting up with multiple cracks, she glanced around the room, preparing to shout the children awake.

Her eye widened and mouth dropped when the room showed itself empty, clothes scattered on the floor (mostly McCree's) and not one of the agents in sight. Jack had told her to watch them last night and make sure they didn't wander in the morning, since they had been informed of a usable beacon in New Mexico and would be leaving as soon as possible.

**Shit.**

Ana scrambled out of bed, ditching the nightgown and getting back into her battle gear. Those fucking kids were going to be the death of her, she was sure of it. A tan hand made a grab for the rifle, but the lithe body withered when it dangled in two. She forgot that it snapped when Reaper had been knocked unconscious with it. That was okay though, she really just needed the scope. It was quickly detached and stored in one of the many coat pockets. Now, how would the kids be wrangled?

An eye lingered over the sleep darts on her belt.

-

What was supposed to be a two-minute ride quickly turned into ten. Hanzo glared at his stupid brother; he just had to go in and not only steal his turn of button pressing, but had to hit every single one of the metal disks. Reaching the lobby, the cyborg bounded out first, leaving the two of them in his dust as he went to check out the fancy room.

The pair got out slowly, looking around with glowing eyes as the expertly positioned flowers and art bundled around them. It wasn't just a basic hotel lobby, this place was made for people with the moolah. Taking a few tentative steps forward, Hanzo looked out of one of the large windows they had come upon. The Vegas strip was already bustling with energy, tourists flocking in the streets. It wasn't as crowded as last night, thank noodles, but there were quite a few people checking out the sights.

"Hey Hanzo, look!" McCree pointed over to where a small buffet was set up. "You hungry? I am. All we've had this week is a bunch'a those health bars."

They both grimaced at the mentioned snack item. "I am rather hungry. Let us eat."

With the archer's words, the two walked over to the food area. The selection was moderate, mainly American breakfast foods, but there was a large fruit display that had dozens of strawberries (much to Hanzo's delight).

The cowboy went to snag a table near the window they had been looking out of. The two sat down and began to eat their fill slowly, savoring the meal while they could. McCree had the typical plate of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns. When he hadn't had any fruit, Hanzo scolded him and forced a banana onto his plate, ignoring the complaint of "I don't eat Harambe food!". Hanzo's plate, surprisingly, wasn't that different from the gunslinger's. Instead of the hotcakes, waffles took up most of the space on the white dish, surrounded by the three other items and a multitude of strawberries.

The two made small talk, complimenting their surroundings and just being nice all together. It was better that Hanzo wasn't so tired and moody, now perky and approachable (Well, approachable in a Hanzo sense. His eyebrows weren't in the angry Japanese man position right now. And only very small children started crying when he looked at them).

The two went on eating, finally being able to have some peace in this crazy week.

-

When they had finished eating a small waiter came by and scooped up their plates, thanking them for the stay and hoped they enjoyed themselves; the implication of "yo hope the sex was okay for you guys pl _ease leave me a tip_ " zoomed right over both agents heads.

McCree stretched his legs in his seat, no longer having the morning groggy-ness to compete against. "So, what do you wanna do?" He leaned forward, head on his hand and elbows on the table.

Hanzo answered behind the napkin he was wiping his mouth with. "I don't know. Should we try to find the conference room? Maybe Jack and Gabriel will be there." It seemed like a good plan to the cowboy.

Soon enough they were up, walking to the front desk to ask for directions around the hotel.

-

Ana sighed as the elevator opened. The lobby was fantastic, elegantly decorated in a simplistic way that screamed: "I'm rich lol". She had taken a step out of the box, eyes scanning the area for any of the four agents.

A bright red serape and yellow ribbon caught her eye, both of them vanishing into a hallway near the front doors. A flash of blue sparked across the floor, a skinny female opening the doors to the hotel stairway, and like that she was gone. A flicker of green came from above, a flexible body hanging dangerously on a chandelier while a few staff members tried to coax the ninja down. They only received the middle finger and "fuck you I'm spider man".

Was the effort really even worth it at this point?

-

Jack shifted in the sheets, his naked back pressed against a deliciously cold chest. The visor was off, his near sightless eyes squinting against the light that was pouring through the windows. A smile wormed it's way over a usually frowning mouth when a large muscular arm began moving around his body.

"Mmh. Morning." Jack felt up the limb, taking in every curve and detail with a vigor. A soft chuckle came from behind him.

"Good morning. Hope I didn't keep you up too late last night, I know you have to drive today." Soft lips began to peck up and down the reddening neck while Jack gave a laugh and squirmed in the arms encasing him.

"Stop that, I'm _sensitive_!" It tickled greatly, especially when he was lifted up and onto Reaper's body to only be attacked by more kisses from the front. His nose and eyelids were peppered in the loving pecks while down below, two body parts began to become very familiar with each other. "Gabe, we have to start driving-"

The chastisement was cut short by a kiss. "C'mon, when is the next time we'll be able to have another moment like _this_?"

Well, when he put it like that...

-

Tracer was going up and down the steps happily, just glad to finally get some exercise in and not be so wound up. She was rounding the platform to the eleventh floor when she crashed into a big (fuzzy?) thing.

"Oh shoot! Sorry love, I wasn't watching where I was going!" Tracer regained her bearings quickly, eyes looking over to where a big-

"Oh no! You're fine! It's actually hard to see out of this thing." A laugh wafted through the stairway, oblivious towards the shocked Brit. "Oh hey! You look really cool! Are you a cosplayer? I think your group is over at the other hotel, was it the Paris one? Anyways, you look awesome! Are you- Tracer? Did I get it right? Or are you Mercy? I never was good in History class." The person asked, unknowing that yes indeed, it was Tracer in the flesh and not somebody else in a costume.

Instead of answering, the Brit just gawked at the thing in front of her.

What the actual fuck

-

Hanzo and McCree had been traversing hallway after hallway, eager to find their comrades to make sure they were safe. The doors passed them up with tiny nameplates on the wood, most of them being in foreign languages and having to do with adulting. Hopefully, Jack and Gabriel were in the tiny meeting room they had been in last night, working things out to see if they all could get home.

After a few dozen doors, the results were beginning to look grim. They had gotten lost in the criss-cross of hallways and now decided to just get back to the lobby and wait it out. It was about the fifth time Hanzo swore he had seen the same nameplate three doors down when a noise caught their attention.

It was a door closing. It was nothing really to Jesse, just somebody closing a door behind them, but a gasp from Hanzo made him stop in his tracks.

"D-Did you-" An audible gulp. "Did you see that?" Surely, Hanzo thought, surely his luck wasn't this good.

"Uh, see what?" A brown eyebrow raised in confusion. A hand grabbed his arm, dragging him over to the door. Just before they got close enough to read the plate, a figure appeared around the corner a hundred feet away.

-

Jesse was pretty shocked. If you were to ask him if he was okay, he would honest to God say no. He fucking wasn't okay.

A large dog-lookin'-thing had appeared out of batshit nowhere; tail, ears and all. It was cartoony and different.

A choked sound had escaped the shorter man next to him. He watched as the thing came over, waving and booped Hanzo's nose with a noise that sounded like a squeaky toy. After the affair, it entered through the door that they had seen closing.

"Ahhhhh" The sound shocked Jesse. It was faint at first, before evolving into a full blown scream. "hHH **HHHHHHH** "

He didn't know where it came from until he realized that it was from the deadly assassin next to him.

"H-Hanzo?!" Brown eyes shot to the Japanese male next to him, taking in the full appearance of a full-blown smiling Hanzo. It wasn't fake, it was unfiltered happiness that made Jesse feel very funny inside.

"JESSE" Came the shot back. Those dark eyes sparkled brightly as they whipped over to the cowboys. "OH MY KNOT, **THEY'RE HAVING A FUR-CON**!"

"A who-con?" There was no answer as he was practically carried over to the door, a finger pointing to the words on the name-plate. There indeed, rested the words "Fur-con" in a rainbow etching. "What?"

Hanzo was hyperventilating next to him, a strangled laugh escaping through the midst of chaos his heart must be going through.

"I- HOW" Strong arms embraced Jesse, adding to the shock. As a face pressed hard into his chest, McCree decided that this clearly was not Hanzo at the moment. "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED- BUT- NOW I- YES- IT'S HAPPENING- **PLEASE** "

"Darlin', calm the fuck down and please explain. You're scarin' me."

"I'm just sO **HAPPY** "

"Okay, now I'm _really_ scared-"

The door opened once more to show a small dragon dart out, stopping and waving at them.

"Hey! I thought I heard screaming out here!" The paw (claw? Hand thing?) shook greatly as it greeted them. "Aw, look at that! So cute! Are you here for the cosplay event? Your cowboy costume is cool! I thought I saw a lot of people near that one Paris place for that."

"N-no, I'm just kinda confused." Jesse shrugged and pulled Hanzo so he could breathe without his lungs being squished. "Hanz, what is this?"

The Asain took one look at the dragon before gasping and smiling, quickly tucking the overjoyed face back into McCree's chest.

"D'aw, look at that! You guys should totally get in here! We have extra sets of ears and tails if you're interested. The more the merrier!" The little animal-dude starting jumping in place, cartoon eyes strangely staying on Jesse's. How, he didn't know. Probably from all this fancy-schmancy tech nowadays.

"Y-You mean it?" Hanzo looked up, bright and cheerful.

"Well yeah! This con didn't charge commission fees since we had so many sponsors this year. Get your tail-holes over here so we can all share the love!" The guy in the costume ran over and began dragging the two of them to the door. The cowboy went to disagree, but one look at Hanzo's begging eyes was all it took to make his legs weaken against the push. The doors flew open, as well as Jesse's mouth.

-

Genji was on the ground, sleeping soundly with a dart in his ass. Ana had finally managed to shoot him down after many attempts. He had been hissing, and deflected with parts of the chandelier, causing some of the staff in the hotel to be hit with the darts instead. With pride intact from catching him by the tail (literally), Ana smirked at her catch.

"Ma'am, I think I'm going to have to call security-" One of the employees who hadn't been shot had come over cautiously. The conversation ended quickly with one more dart that "accidentally" shot out.

"Oops. My bad." She chuckled. She threw the cyborg ninja over her shoulder and made her way back to the elevators, going up to the floor she knew Jack and Gabriel were staying on. If she could corral the kids back into their room, maybe they'd be less apt to run off again.

She, unfortunately, had a key card. Why unfortunately?

Ana really wished she didn't have her other eye, the view of **gay old men in love having sex** burning the healthy pupil.

Luckily, they didn't notice when she had opened the door and swiftly closed it again, blocking the scene to stop the damage to her brain. Genji was starting to get heavy, and he needed to be kept somewhere safe while she went to find the others. The van was the only option left, seeing as she would not be waiting until Jack and Gaybe were done.

While traversing to the garage, she was thankful it was happening even if it was totally disgusting. It gave her more time to find the other AWOL shitlings before the power couple finished up. As Genji was thrown halfheartedly into the vehicle, she made sure to press lock to keep him in.

Alright, now to find the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji: bro  
> Hanzo: *switches to p0rn*  
> Genji: bro wtf what was that  
> Hanzo: nothing goaway  
> Genji: *moves closer* *sees tabs*  
> Hnazo: its no what it looks like  
> Genji: wtf *steals mouse clicks on hidden tab*  
> Hanzo: brother why  
> Genji: brother why  
> Hanzo: I switched to regular human p0rn becuase it would be easier to explain  
> Genji: "big horse fills wolf ass"  
> Hanzo: crie  
> Genji: "midget doctor anally probes fish man with apples and no lube"  
> Hanzo: okay i get it crie  
> Genji: "captain coyote fucking a whorse while standing in a cemetery"  
> Hanzo: okay that one is pretty funny u gotta admit  
> Genji: yeah lol  
> Hanzo: lol  
> Genji: Don't try to fucking fix this you're dead to me you sick bastard.


	8. Nah-man (Nevada, afternoon/departure)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo dOGGY THIS TRAINING IS FUCKING ME OVER  
> not in a good way either  
> liek  
> just not a good way. I prefer the gay man way  
> i like that way alot  
> So, here's chapter 8  
> It's 3;30 in the morning  
> CHAPTER WARNING THOUGH  
> At the end there's a gruesome death scene and major character death. I apologize for taking out the most influential charcter that's been in this story. Just putting that out there.  
> (spoiler on who dies: Dragon Dildo)

 

The room was colorful.

Brightly. Very, many, much, _super, duper, booper, amazing colors_.

Hanzo was sure that his heart was about to give out.

Fursonas were covering the entirety of the enormous conference floor. A few of the creatures were playing games with each other, mainly consisting of tail chasing and booping. Padded feet were soft on the short gray carpet, and yellow walls couldn't compete with the neon yellows in some of the braver costume's fur.

The mix of people and omnics of all types were dizzying in a good way, Hanzo concluded. There were so many rainbow effects and those big dopey and cute eyes flooded from everywhere when he and his cowboy had walked in. There was a small rush of people to the door, eager to greet their potential new pack mates.

Hanzo's ribbon whipped back and forth as the many voices flooded his senses. Some were robotic "mews" of hellos and others were human "ruffs" of greeting. Many of the paws came and booped the red noses of McCree and the archer, absolutely no affection held back. It was one of the many reasons Hanzo was drawn to the community, the unstifled love almost everyone could release when their face was hidden behind a simple to complex animal mask.

Many hugs were exchanged (Cowman stuttering at the group of coyotes that had attached themselves to his figure) and a set of large fuzzy dragon antlers were produced from one of the back stands. While Hanzo was profusely thanking the tall cat omnic that had found them, the dog that had booped his nose in the hallway came up to him with a long blue noodle dragon tail that had a tuft on the end. Before the elation could surface, a blue bird-sparrow hybrid stuck two long dragon whiskers on his face that almost touched the floor.

-

McCree was simply staring in a dazed shock as Hanzo was hyperventilating and actually socializing with people around him. This was super fucking weird. A pressure on his head made him whip his head up, a brown furry arm had placed large scruffy oak ears over the hat top.

"We accept you into the pack." A 'muscular' omnic who had the head and tail of a coyote-wolf thing patted him on the shoulder.

"JeSSE **THEY ACCEPT US**!" Light brown eyes flew open as Hanzo came into view again. The shorter man had gained the attributes of the creature on his family's tattoo, seemingly from nowhere. "All you need is your tail! Thank you so much everyone!"

The crowd howled in welcoming, more hugs being delivered.

"Uh, yeah! That's mighty fine, Hanz." The large metal hand came and ruffled black hair, sensitivity picking up the tickle the strands left in their wake. "I think."

"This is incredible!" The assassin shouted, going back to talk to anyone he came into contact with. The pale face would go red when an animal would boop him, brightly flushing when a group of birds went crazy over the "hair wings" on the sides of the archer's scalp, saying they complimented the dragon get-up incredibly.

McCree came back to reality after watching for a good five minutes of the weird things around him move and talk, most of them looking like they were actually the real cartoon versions of the animals they depicted. Long legs made their way through the crowd, gently following Hanzo from afar but not close enough to be a presence in his space. This was a rare and unique sight to see, and he'd be damned if he was going to pass it up.

Hanzo Shimada, trained assassin that mastered in the art of combat and was once destined to be the leader of a masterminded criminal family before killing his brother and devolving into a state of humility and depression in which the emotions of the man ranged from very angry to very very angry, was smiling.

That funny feeling was back and McCree was starting to realize what exactly that feeling was.

                                                                                                                                    _**Shit.**_

-

Genji groaned as he awoke, head pounding and vision blurry. He didn't know where he was, the only clue being the blue and grey that surrounded him from all sides. It wasn't dark, but it wasn't light enough to properly see everything around this space he was confined in. The ninja tried to remember everything he could to see how he got into this position.

There was waking up on a hotel floor. Okay, that was one thing his brain could flick back to. Then there was... _Anger_? Anger at what though?

Oh! Shorts! That was it. Hanzo had stolen his pink shorts that had "Move, I'm gay" on the ass of them. They would have been perfect for the matching crop top that had the words "Fuck you, I'm fabulous" on it, but no his brother just had to go and ruin everything. Thinking about the context of the words, the cyborg's line eyes widened at the realization.

_He was gay as fuck_.

Alright. Time to stop thinking.

Shaking the metal head around to clear some thoughts, the lithe figure sat upright. The vision that had been slightly obscured was now clear, showing the interior of the van.

"Oh." Under the mask, the ninja's face formed a scowl. "Oh no, yeah. It's fine. Just leave me here. To die. Useless flesh humans. My revenge will be brought to light."

Metal hands scratched at everything trying to find a way to unlock the doors or get out without smashing something. He was pissed he was in here, but Jack would be even more pissed if a window or door was gone. When nothing was found, Genji sat back and played idly with the sasquatch puppet he found underneath the seats. Reaper must have tucked it there when he was switching seats or something.

That being said, where was that dragon dildo? It had a suction cup on the end of it. Maybe he could practice throwing it at the window to see if it could stick.

-

Tracer's mouth was wide open as she traveled through the crowd. That big cat-bird had walked her a block over to the other hotel to "put her in the right crowd". What she didn't expect was there to be millions of people all dressed like varying characters from stuff she had seen in her childhood. A lot of them were even dressed like some members of overwatch, her first encounter being somebody who looked very much like a young Jack.

"You look just like Commander Morrison!" She had quipped, rushing around him to get a look at all of the gear.

"Oh thanks! Wow, you really look like Tracer! How much did you spend on LEDs for your accelerator thing?" The voice didn't sound deep at all, in fact more feminine than anything else.

"LEDs?" Before her question was answered, the large metal doors of the main conference room flew open.

On the tile floors, hundreds of Tracers flooded in. They were jogging in a line, all waving and repeating the same line "Ever get that feeling of Deja vu?" over and over. Tracer's eyes flew open, a carnal urge to press down on the D-pad and spam "Hi" until someone screamed at her to stop.

When the back of the line came, there was no stopping her from joining in.

-

Gabriel groaned, stretching his back against the heat of the shower. The water pelted his back, effectively shielding the grumpy blind male in front of him.

"Share much?" The deep voice huffed. "C'mon Gabe, my ass is killing me and the heat is the only thing that's gonna help at the momeNT."

The voice raised when strong arms turned him to the side and pressed the white chest against the freezing wet tiles. Only whimpers could escape as large calloused hands nestled their way around the muscular soldier, pressing into every dip and curve with a shocking sensual graze and graceful touch. Hips soon found their way to connect to the other's, forcing the two to be flushed against one another.

"Can I say it, Jack?" Gabe nipped at the red neck.

"N-no! You're ridiculous. I thought we agreed back in the SEP to never-ever bring this up again." A red forehead bumped into the white tiles before it.

"Aw, please? For old times sake?" The tiny plea was buried into his ears when a blocky nose nuzzled into it, large lips softly touching the base.

"Ugh. Fine." Pale eyes rolled.

"Yes! Okay," Gabriel cleared his throat.

"Sorry for being such a... **pain in the ass** "

Somewhere far, far away, a lone set of drums rang out when the musician hit the familiar tune of " _badum tiss_ ".

"Why do you bring this up it's not even that funny-"

"hush you love me that's all that matters"

-

Ana had been sprinting everywhere, eyes out for the pink-lemonade combination of Hanzo and rustic set McCree. Finding Tracer could wait since the Brit might literally be anywhere. It was better to just go after the two kids that were an easy find since the pair she was looking for now would come easily if she fetched them, darts most likely not going to be needed.

 

The hallways twisted everywhere. There were no pointers to show where the cowboy&archer duo would have gone in the sense of direction. All of the doors were the same and the pattern was beginning to become dizzying and nauseating. When all hope seemed lost (and realizing that Tracer might be easier to find), a door caught the weary traveler's eye.

It was the same as all the other doors, but the name box on this one was bright and colorful. It was a rainbow etching of weird words that looked very different and elegant. The gayness of it seemed to seep out everywhere, coating its surroundings in a bright pattern of love for dicks.

Hanzo and McCree were _definitely_ behind this door.

She raised a shaking hand to turn the knob, the metal gently submitting to the pressure. When the door was slightly cracked, the eye peeked in to see where the Overwatch members were.

-

Hanzo was running away from one of the coyotes. They had started a game of prey and predator (a fluffy version of sharks and minnows). There had been a large group of furries that had hopped in, the first one to be "it" had been a dolphin omnic who captured his first victim in a crushing hug. Two turned into four and four turned into eight, things quickly escalating as more and more people were caught. McCree, Hanzo, and a handful of others had been the last remaining prey on one side of the large floor. They had quickly begun their sprint to the other side, the pack of coyotes hounding in on the dragon Hanzo.

McCree had seen, and just before one could grapple the archer into a squeezing hug, the coyote cowboy rolled in front of them to block their path and get crushed in the arms of the pack. Hanzo whipped his head back to see the events, a squeak coming out as he touched the wall and yelled "You're my hero, Cowman!"

McCree grinned devilishly.

"You better watch yourself, Hanz! Now I get to be the one to take you down!" Dark eyes shot open at the threat, a smirk coming forth on the smaller man's face.

"We shall see about that!"

Everyone got into their respective lines, waiting for the big dog to bark 'go'. The room was tense, as only three people remained to be prey.

Hanzo stared into McCree's eyes with a glimmer of mischief. A plan had been formulated, and it was going to be quite the fun to pull it off.

The bark came and everyone rushed towards the prey. The two others, a skinny omnic who had bunny ears paired with a deer tail and a quick dark-skinned girl who had white cat ears and a matching fluffy tail, darted through quick hands. The first to go down was the girl, a big blue antelope scooping her up and giving a tight snuggle as she laughed and squealed. The omnic went next, his ears flopping forward as an orca and three birds flocked him in a flurry of fur and feathers.

Hanzo was not the easy prey. He efficiently dodged those who were quick enough to get to him and narrowly escaped a run-in with the coyote boys. He was close to the other side when his plan came to full fruition.

Jesse had been trailing him, catching up and about to snag him from behind, when the archer suddenly ducked right and vanished from the gunslinger's sight. Honey eyes flicked everywhere, when a sudden weight dropped on him from behind.

That little shitmada had gotten the drop first! Ears flopped and tail swished as the cowboy was tackled to the floor, but Jesse had started to roll, squishing the man beneath him in an attempt to recover some of the dignity he had lost. They ended up near the end of the other room, Hanzo on his back laughing while McCree was chuckling above him. Their chests were squashed together while the limbs were a tangled mess. Hanzo's dragon tail was twisted around the cowboy's long legs and the whiskers were wrapped around the burly body. The yellow hair ribbon was strewn across the other's tan neck, partially resting on the hat. Jesse's coyote tail was almost in a knot, pressed under one of the prosthetic legs of Hanzo.

They stayed like that for a little bit, huffing to catch their breath while attempting to fight back giggles and snorts. There was a small group that had huddled near them, taking a few pics before the pair could notice. The coyote crew came over and began howling at them, words of "get sOME" and "yaHS" rang through the air.

Hanzo had blushed a bright pink, stuttering while struggling under McCree. Of course the pack had to ruin everything, Jesse thought as he kneeled up and dragged the Japanese male with him. They quickly untangled, faces red while the boys hooted and hollered.  
  
It was short lived, as just before Jesse could turn tail and explain how Hanzo couldn't possibly like him like that, a dart had whizzed through the air and caught the taller agent in the stomach.

It was a full ten seconds of silence. As McCree dropped to the ground, Hanzo was there to quickly catch him. The fear in his eyes heavy as those dark irises caught the aged sniper just before another dart was shot.

-

Alright. Two more kids wrangled. Ana counted that as a win while there was a multitude of screams around her. She moved forward and stooped next to the figures that had entwined with each other. Removing the needles, the Egyptian woman stood tall and gave an order.

"Nobody panic!"

**Everyone began panicking**. Shit, maybe she shouldn't say that. "Okay. Nevermind about that first round, we're going to try again. *Ahem*, everybody sit on the ground and do as I say, or the mutt and dragon get it!"

Furry rears immediately seated themselves on the floor.

"Thank you. Now, I'm going to drag these two out, and everybody is going to pretend like they were never here. Got it?" A multitude of brightly colored eyes bobbed in agreement at the apparent zoo keeper. Ana prided herself on that title. It was a good title. "Alright. Does anybody have a wheelbarrow or something?"

There wasn't any help from that department. The two agents were dragged across the hotel carpet by the feet. While coming through the lobby, employees crowded the floor. All of them were "sleeping" peacefully, except the one that had threatened security. That one was stirring, groggily awakening while those tired eyes caught Ana's. Fear clouded them as an arm was raised and another dart "accidentally" shot.

" _Fuck you_ in _particular_." The sniper said, continuing to drag the agents to the van.

They arrived at the vehicle. Genji was awake, scratching excitedly against the glass and waving. It was a trick, Ana knew. Instead of opening the door and risking the ninja escaping, the elderly woman went to the trunk and slowly popped it open. Grabbing a water bottle, she shut the trunk and went to the back door.

"Genji, get back." The warning wasn't heeded. When the latch was unlocked, the cyborg threw open the door and prepared to dash away.

The unholy fluid spattered against Genji's body. He hissed in retaliation, jumping near the driver's seat and hanging upside down from the roof. While he was having his little freakout, Ana dumped McCree and Hanzo into the very back row. They were on top of one another, a sure way to shock them from the gayness and probably use it as so **me plot device to force the McHanzo slash to further development in some shitty fanfic that was written at 2:31 in the morning.**

The door was closed and locked.

 

 

 

What was that?

Ana stopped in her tracks. She had gotten four feet away before a rumbling rocked the garage, and a slow chanting began to worm its way through the large space.

Her eye widened as a feeling of Deja Vu began to flood through her body.

-

Jack and Gabriel made their way down the elevator and to the floor the kids and Ana were staying. Hand in hand, the pinto and navy bean slowly walked to the looming oak door that had the number 152 etched on a name plate next to it. A gloved hand raised and knocked lightly, then knocked a little harder when there was no response. A key card was produced, and a quick sweep showed none of the shitlings or grandma in sight.

"Those fucking idIOTS" Reaper began as he hurriedly stuffed clothes back into the bag and gathered up supplies."We told them to sTAY **PUT**."

"Gabe, if you honestly expected them to do that then I feel sorry for you." Jack surprisingly had a cool head as he folded up the strewn about clothes. "I predict that we're going to get to the van and everything will be in order and we'll be ready to leave. Here, help me put the dirty clothes into one of those spare trash bags. Can we steal the towels? How about those alarm clocks? Here, I'll get the lamp."

Reaper rolled red eyes behind the mask. Nothing ever went to plan.

-

Ana was on top of the van, water bottle flinging its contents at whatever figure it could to get them away and stop them from crawling up the metal siding. There were so many. So, so many.

"Cheers love!" One of them started. The other six hundred followed in a bellowing, " **THE CALVALRY'S HERE!** "

"WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE REAL ONE?!" Ana screeched above the ruckus. "TRACER WE NEED TO LEAVE! SHOW YOURSELF!"

All of the Tracers struck the same heroic pose. There was only one that did a gun spin trick, slowing when all of the Tracer's looked her way. She smiled and slowly lowered the guns, just before they picked her up and _threw her out of the fifth story garage window_.

"FUCK OKAY TRACER, WE NEED TO GO NOW." Ana was beginning to panic before a small blue streak made its way through the crowd. A faint yelling came from it as it edged closer to the van before the Brit herself fwipped up and onto the metal box, gleaming with a splitting smile.

"ANA! Look at them! They helped me find you all! Aren't they awesome? I have my own army!" Tracer gave a wave and hello as all of the other Tracers copied. "See? Can we take them with us? I bet all of them would be pretty intimidating on the field!"

"T-Tracer, as much as I love you, I simply cannot allow you to bring-" It was cut off while the sniper began counting. "54, 55, 56...286, 287, no wait I counted that one twice. Anyways, no. We cannot bring them. Jack will not allow it!"

A multitude of groans and disappointed huffs escaped all of them. Tracer lowered her head and waddled over to the side of the van before giving her apologies.

"You all are amazing though, I love you all!" She said before she was joined by a chorus of voices. " **The world could always use more heroes!** "

They all filed out slowly as Ana and Tracer stayed on the van. When the lot had cleared, the pair hopped down and faced each other.

"Sorry for making you worry, grams. I didn't mean to make you upset." Skinny arms embraced the elderly figure.

"Oh sweetie, there is always the _one_ way to repay me." Ana pulled back, holding her at arm's length.

"Wait, but I'm already-" It was cut short as a dart was plunged into the arm. The pilot crumpled shortly after.

Ana opened the door, flinging more water at Genji when he tried to get out and placed Tracer upright in the mid-row at the window. The sniper got in herself and closed the door, forcing the ninja to sit next to her in the proper position.

It was just as they buckled in, the glass doors opened to reveal Jack, Gabriel, and the Italian man showing them out.

-

Gabriel was talking in that smooth Spanish again, laughing lightly as he pulled a new large black suitcase behind him. Jack had the bag on one shoulder, visor flicking over to the man next to him every now and then. When they arrived at the vehicle, the soldier was couldn't be any less surprised as all of the agents were in their seats besides McCree and Hanzo, who were snoozing on top of each other.

The trunk was opened and the suitcase and bag were hefted in. They went to their sides of the van, Jack in the driver while Gabe went to the passenger. Before Gabe could open his door, however, Genji flew up and beat him to it.

"Dad #2! I have been practicing a trick all day! Want to see it?" The Italian man looked surprised at the cyborg interrupting them. Reaper just rolled his eyes and said sure. They were wrapping up anyways and had said their goodbyes.

" _Yush_! Okay, watch this!" The dragon toy was produced.

In all fairness, Reaper could have stopped what happened next. It really was his fault in the end.

The ninja cocked an arm back and positioned the toy's suction side in the front. With a huff, the thing flew mach 50 out of the van, directly towards the large, fragile glass doors to the hotel.

The toy hit in success, but the force shattered the edges of the entrance, forcing the whole thing to just slowly shatter in itself. The toy stood proudly on the only piece of glass that was still intact, waving back and forth menacingly before it too, succumbed to falling.

Time stopped. The Italian paled in rage, mouth open and a small screech escaping. Reaper's eyes widened to the full extent as he eyed the man next to him.

Better not take any chances.

A hard hit fell on the male's head, effectively knocking the large man out. Gabriel flailed into the van and yelled " **GO** " before any more damage could manifest itself. Jack punched the gas and flew out of the garage, hitting a few curbs and road signs in their wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji:  
> Hanzo:  
> Genji: so we not gonna talk  
> Hazno: Nah not this time  
> Genji: Oh.  
> Hanzo: yea  
> Genji: okay  
> Hanzo:  
> Genji:  
> Hanzo: The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal bodeboop. A sing lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready!… Start. ding  
> Genji: Shit fuck wait I wasn't ready


	9. Air-my-asshole-miku (Arizona aka filler chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hOLY FUCK  
> WORK IS KISSING ME ON MY MOUTH WITH MONEY  
> BUT AT THE SAME TIME FUCKING ME IN MY ASS WITHOUT A CONDOM AND LUBE  
> I'M BACK AND TOTALLY NOT DEAD ;D  
> k, so this chapter is really just a lead up to the actual plot part for the crew. aka my headcanon is that route 66 deadlock shit map where you can see guns and bombs 4 cowmans is in new mexico because fuck you McCree is badass like that.  
> also hanzo is secretly a famous hentai/r34 artist and yeah we're gonna see that in the next chapter becasue genjoo is losing his crown for lord of shits to his brother and he must reclaim it  
> also it's 2 am and i'm dead inside  
> nosaltplz the thing u read is justafunnyjokeonshit

 

The ride was smooth.

Hanzo grunted as his eyes flickered open. It seemed like everytime something was going to happen, he either passed out or was just waking up. That needed to stop.

Back to gaining consciousness, the Japanese man squirmed where he was lying, trying to remember what had happened and how he had passed out this time. There was Jesse and breakfast, and then there was happiness. A kind of happy that only festered every once in a while when Hanzo was allowed that moment. A familiar family feel of happiness.

Oh, that's right! The Fur-con!! Even though his vision was a blur and the archer was yet to come to a fully awakened state, a large smile and huff of a laugh erupted from him, probably drawing the attention of those near. He didn't care though, the memories were amazing to relive. Just the thought alone that _he_ had gone to a **_Fur-Con_** made him all giddy inside!

A sudden pressure stealing all of Hanzo's breath jerked him away from his thoughts rudely. Something was shifting directly on top of his chest and it had to be an elephant because _holy shit was it heavy_.

"OW PL **EASE HELP** " The cry went unnoticed. With sights now clear, the archer zoned in on the giant of a man laying on top of him. "McCree wakE UP!"

A snore escaped the cowboy in his wake. "Hmm? What? Where?" The coyote ears flopped around on the hat as brown shaggy hair was shook from side to side. "Hanzo? When'd you get under me?"

Now, at one time Hanzo probably would've thought that was the sexiest thing he had ever heard. However, it was kind of hard to find something hot when the need for oxygen and blood flow to get to vital organs in someone's body was overriding every other sense available.

" _Can't breath._ " The usually stoic voice was high pitched and squeaky. The dark eyes were squinted and that pale face was completely flushed red. Large bow-man arms were attempting to grapple the blue flannel and serape on the cowboy to force him up, but to no avail.

"Shit fuck sorry!" McCree reared up, hitting the back of his head on the van's roof and stumbling back into the window, causing a large crack to appear on the top left corner of the glass.

"The fuck is wrong with you kids and breaking glass?!" Jack shouted towards the back when the commotion captured everyone's attention.

"Sorry dad" The two said as they quickly scrambled back into a normal seating position. Hanzo was pink from the slight asphyxiation, and McCree was a beet red probably from the embarrassment.

Ana chuckled before them, turning the sasquatch puppet on her hand around and making it wave while Genji's eye slit narrowed on one side. (Was that winking?) The two were now flustered and would be for the next few hours.

Hanzo rolled his eyes, trying to squash some of the feelings down. Jack was driving, Reaper was next to him (Duh), Tracer was asleep, Ana and Genji were doing their thing, and of course he and McCree were awake. For the next twenty minutes, it just kind of stayed that way. The sun wasn't high in the sky, but it wasn't late either. The clock read around three thirty in the afternoon, so the black haired male had time to burn before they stopped or something. Hopefully Reaper (or Gabriel, he really didn't know what to call him) had money for a motel. This trip to home was a nightmare, and the only good times were usually being ruined by another team-mate or something.

Hanzo tried to force himself to think otherwise. McCree was a great companion. Even though the cowboy was a _dense_ motherfucker and would back off as soon as affection was reciprocated, the guy was truly a loyal person. How long this friendship of sorts would last, Hanzo didn't know. Not wanting to ruin it, he decided to just give them some space before anything else could happen.

So instead of talking to the man next to him, Hanzo decided to (finally) take off the dragon parts, store them in the trunk, and look out of the window in silence.

-

The evening came, and with it brought a large metal sign that blared an American location that Hanzo knew nothing about.

"Bro! We're in the tea country!" Genji jumped in his seat, knocking Ana's form into the now awake Tracer. "I mean, it's nothing like actual Japanese tea, but the American brand is pretty okay."

"Genj, we in Arizona. The only form of drink they got here is dirt mixed with dust and it'll only get worse." McCree laughed. "Hey pops, is the pickup point near-"

"Route 66?" Jack interrupted swiftly, glad that one of the agents caught on to where they were headed. "Yes. The old diner that we had camped in should have a comm point still planted in it from when we demolished the Deadlocks. We actually never got around to removing any comm points from back when Overwatch was legal because of your father here."

"I say sorry everyday and night and you still won't forgive me for that" Reaper slouched towards the driver's seat.

"I do forgive you, I just like to rub in the fact that you single-handedly destr **oyed everything we had worked so hard on, and I mean like years upon years of work, in a fit of rage from paranoia and jealousy** "

"Ooookay, so stopping this now before we all get **_explosive_** again," Tracer butted in swiftly, not wanting them to fight. "How's about we all switch seats or something so you two can get a break, huh? I'm sure Ana's fine to drive, right?"

Ana was asleep.

"Fuck. Hanzo? Do you think you can take a turn? I'm sure if Jack sat with you up front and showed you the basics, you could get it right off the bat!" The British girl swiveled around to face him head on.

To say he was surprised was pretty accurate. The only time he had been up front was when Ana had shoved him up there to stay at the wheel just in case 76 and Reaper's "reunion" didn't make butterflies and rainbows. Luckily, the old lovebirds had quickly wrapped up in each other's arms and no shots were fired. He did find it odd, however, that when he had looked under the seats right after the pair had gotten together, there was an entire canister of salt tucked under some loose papers. Who brings that much salt on a road-trip?

Hanzo blinked rapidly, clearing his thoughts since he couldn't find a fuck to give about it.

"Well, I could attempt to do so. However I could not guarantee that I will not accidentally kill us all in the process." A wry smile passed to the row in front of him. The archer, however, didn't notice the small frown that fell on the gunslinger's face.

"Well, I mean, you don't wanna take no chances now, right?" McCree butted in. The coyote tail was off, but those floppy ears were kept on. The pair of them swished forward when Jesse had leaned over the seat between his partner in a possessive manner. "Right darlin'?"

"Why are you so adamant about me not driving?" Hanzo narrowed his eyes. "Must I remind you that I am _Japanese_ , not Chinese?"

Genji choked on air while Reaper gave a dry cackled.

"It's just that we don't want no dead bodies now, do we?" More possessive behavior surfaced as the cowman slinked over to sit in the middle while his arms ghosted over Hanzo's shoulders and torso.

"Hmm." Inky eyes rolled around in thought. "I will learn how to drive, but since McCree has separation anxiety he must be seated in the middle of the middle row. Do you think you can lift Ana back here?"

A brilliant smile flashed across the cowpoke's face. The arrangement was made (with Jack's permission), and soon enough they were pulled over on the side of a dry sandy road to switch seats around.

Getting Ana in the back was easy since Reaper was ripped as fuck. When she was safely snoozing against the very back window, Genji climbed into the back row with her while Tracer, McCree, and Gabe took the mid row. Hanzo cautiously got into the driver's seat, making sure to buckle and adjust the height according to the soldier's directions.

"Now, you're going to put the key in the ignition and turn it."

"Alright, done. What next?"

"Place your hands like this- no, like this- fuck it watch- **you little bitch** just place your hands LIKE THIS, okay good. Now, that knob right there is the shift stick. I want to you take it, and pull it into- **FUCK NO STOP** "

The car jerked forward and stopped quickly, throwing everyone forward.

"I apologize. Maybe I _am_ part Chinese." Hanzo grumbled.

"Just, take the knob and pull it into the 'Drive' position." Jack placed a hand on his forehead, rubbing out the tension that was beginning to build.

"Which letter is it?" Hanzo flicked his eyes over to the older man. "Is it 'D'?"

"Deez nUTZ" Genji shouted and pointed finger guns.

Everyone stared at him. No one laughed.

" **Alright**." The ninja leaned back into his seat. Clearly, the little shit game needed to be played up a bit.

Eventually, Hanzo was able to get onto the road and drive without Jack's blood pressure rising. The night was nearing, and the car was drowned in boredom. Arizona wasn't as fun as Vegas, Hanzo concluded. He wished that they were somewhere cooler, like North Dakota.

He laughed at the pun he had thought of. Cooler, as in literally cooler like cold. North Dakota was literally freezing cold, and they were in a desert, and yeah. He totally had to tell McCree.

"Hey cowboy, listen to this-" He told the pun to Jesse, who had leaned up from the middle to rest his elbows on the caddy in between the passenger and driver's seat.

As it was explained, everyone began chuckling and laughing.

Hanzo glanced into the rear view mirror, catching the green slit that glared at him from the very back row and gave a small, greedy smile.

Who was the little shit now, Genji?

_Who fucking was it now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo: bro  
> Genji: yo  
> Hanzo: I think I might b gay  
> Genji: liek how much on a scale of 1-10  
> Hanzo: i floss every morning and night  
> Genji:  
> Hanzo: yeah but liek i think i just figured it out  
> Genji: well no fucking shit what gave it away the fact that you have a boyfriend or the fact that you keep your tit out even when it's cold outside  
> Handsoap: genji plz  
> Gengenie: fuck u  
> Hampster: choke  
> Vagenji: fcuk  
> Hanzo: oh that's why i'm gay  
> Genji: see aren't u glad we talked this out  
> Hanzo: not really tbh  
> Genji: crie


	10. New-Mix-Tape-Listenplz (New Mexico Pt. 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i sTARTED WORK OKAY  
> THAT'S WHY IT TOOK A WEEK FOR THIS TO BE SHIT OUT  
> I JUST REALLY AM TRYING TO PUSH MCHANZO RRIGHT NOW  
> BECAUSE UPRISING IS DONE AND ON THE LAST DAY I GOT THE HANZO TRAINING EMOTE I MEAN LIKE YES PLEASE U GUYS KNEW HOW MUCH I NEEDED TO SEE THAT FINE ASS KICKING AND PUNCHING SHIT and i GOT EEM  
> AND ALSO THE BLACKWATCH MCCREE SKIN  
> AND ALSO THE GAMBLER SKIN  
> FUCK U I GET LEGENDARIES LIKE I GET BITCHES  
> ALMOST NEVER  
>  THIS IS ACTUALLY THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER GOTTEN LEGENDARIES SO YEAH MY BITCHES GAME IS SHIT  
> so this chpter is build up to the diner scene and also hanzo being a hentai artist will come back asap i promise you also we might get to see the fake death of dragondildo  
> shit spoilers he might not be dead? who knows  
> is it really dildo or just a hologram  
> fuck u

 

The ride was dusty.

Hanzo had been driving for what seemed like hours on end. It was the dead of night and nearly everyone was asleep except for him and Tracer. The Brit was softly humming and drawing patterns with her fingerprints on the window, not a care in the world as everyone around her was in dream land.

Outside of the car was nothing but a sandy oasis, occasionally being broken up by small cities or tiny towns that had nothing to them. There was a rest stop, but Jack had told him not to stop at any until the morning came and he was able to take over. Hanzo knew how to start a car and drive in a straight line now, but merging and switching lanes was a different story. So, being the obedient Shimada he was, the archer stayed on the road.

-

The sun was softly rising on the horizon. The light blue sky shone over the dusty road ahead, and a few birds who had adapted to the waterless weather were flitting about in the tumbleweeds and sparse brush.

Hanzo kept his eyes forward on the long murky road. There was a small chill to the car, probably from the October (or November? They needed to find a calendar asap) atmosphere. At least they weren't finding their way home in the middle of July or this whole trip would've been even more trouble with the danger of the car overheating and who knows what else. All they had to worry about right now was just the trail to the small diner that was supposed to have a chip in it or something. Hopefully it was still there, as Hanzo had suspicions about it disappearing or worse.  
  
From what Reaper had hinted at, they had left the hotel on pretty bad terms with the owner. A few of them had been unconscious, Hanzo included in that group, when they were in the van and leaving. He hadn't been awake for what had gone down, but the archer's sixth sense was telling him that finding this pickup point was a bad idea.

His thoughts were interrupted when the snow-haired older man next to him grunted in his wake. The old fart stretched like a cat and yawned audibly beneath the mask, hands rubbing at the visor to "clear" whatever was on it.

"Good morning, sir." Hanzo softly whispered, trying not to wake everyone else up. Tracer had followed the group in sleeping when four A.M. had rolled around. "Was your rest acceptable?"

"All you have to say is ' _did you sleep okay_ '. You're like a walking dictionary, kid." Jack sat up and leaned his seat into a more forward position. Reaper was behind him and must have been woken up from the small talk because two large taloned hands came around the passenger seat and wrapped around the built torso.

"Hola, Navy bean. How was your boy's night?" The white mask came around from the back of the chair, chin resting on Jack's shoulder.

"Fine, Pinto bean. We're almost to New Mexico, but if you guys want to stop somewhere and eat first we can. I know we're out of granola bars and we no longer have the luxury of a hotel breakfast." A pale hand came around and caressed the side of Gabriel's covered face.

"I could go for an actual meal right now. Want me to ask everyone else?" The Latino asked. A hum answered him in response, signifying yes in Jack language.

Hanzo kept his eyes firmly on the road as the question was passed around. Little by little, the agents were wrestled out of their sleep and prepared to stop at the next place they came to. The archer was rather hungry, but right now sleep sounded a lot better. He was exhausted from keeping the wheel steady and stressing when there were more than three cars near him.

"What kinda place would we be goin' to?" Jesse piped up after struggling to not close those big honey brown eyes in an attempt to get back to sleep.

The aged female sniper spoke up first. "There's a place coming up a couple of miles from here. I saw a sign for RipDonalds, maybe we can just eat that." Ana cracked her neck from side to side as the words fell out.

"I refuse to let any of you put that garbage into your systems. There was an advertisement for a natural food store a few minutes away, and that's where we can go." Most of the team groaned as Jack made his leadership known.

Hanzo didn't mind, however. The bowman was a bit of a health freak and did love eating organic when he could, so this was a step in the right direction. The promise of a refreshing meal perked him right up, and the next spout of time driving was easier than it had been before.

-

The town area they pulled into was a quiet place with few houses and even fewer stores. It was stationed right off of the highway with a large city behind it, but the tall buildings looked like a two-hour drive and it wasn't where the team was going. The van drove into a small truck stop at the exit of the highway ramp, and it was then they noticed that it had been almost two days since any of them had showered and dirty clothes were piled high.

It was a mutual agreement that everyone was to rinse off and be dressed cleanly before going into the public eye for a meal. Jack and Reaper took all of the clothes that had been soiled and dragged them into the tiny washroom that had cheap laundry detergent and cheaper dryer sheets that did little to reverse the static on said items before their turns to rinse off came.

While everything was being disinfected, the remaining team shuffled into the appropriate shower rooms to clean. Hanzo, Jesse, and Genji entered the men's locker room and the two began to undress while their ninja companion leaned against the wall and waited to proceed into the cleaning area. When towels hung loosely around thick hips, the trio traversed into the bathing area and cringed at the old truckers who had no shame and let it all hang loose for all to see. There were a few spickets free and a couple bars of wrapped soap in the corner of the large tiled room, so the amigos hanged the towels on the hooks closest to their water area and began the process.

"Hey, McCree." Genji started. The long lean cybernetic abdomen flexed under the water, soap bubbles falling in-between the crevices of the metallic body.

"Yup?" Big paws scrubbed the white bar all over the hairy body, nails digging in to try and scrub at the grime since there wasn't a hand towel available.

"Has Hanzo ever told you how talented he is?" A wicked green slit slid over to its sibling's dark eyes that had flicked over to where the instigator was showering.

"Uh," Jesse didn't know how to respond.

"What are you getting at, Genji?" Hanzo huffed out. His yellow coloured soap had completely covered him in smol bubbles and the hotel shampoo they had stolen sat proudly on the long black hair as a liquid hat.

"I'm just saying, I remember when we were younger how _talented_ you were." A shrug was passed the two's way as the cleaning went on. "I especially remember how good you were at-" A small silence. " **Drawing**."

-

Tracer fwipped about, trying to catch an open shower head so she could hurry up and get it over with. Ana had claimed the one open next to some other older ladies, and left her in the dust to gossip with the others. Now, the girl tried to find a spot open amongst the small crowd of women truckers and travelers alike.

On the far end of the room, a tiny shower head suddenly came available and the girl zipped over to it. As soon as Tracer's pale hand graced over the knob, another folded over hers. Brown eyes flicked in confusion before landing on a rather pretty face.

There was a woman that looked around her age who had long ginger hair and green eyes and shit were those freckles? A large towel covered the lithe body underneath, the sizeable bust just barely poking out. She was shorter than the Brit by a good inch and a half.

"Oh, I'm sorry! You can have this one!" The southern accent punctuated her speech as that small warm hand graced away from the shower knob.

"N-no no! You're fine! I, uh-" A red covered Tracer's face as she looked quickly around her, noticing the old woman next to her leave the head. "I'll just take this one! What luck, eh?"

The girl giggled and said thank you with that fine accent. Both shower heads turned on, towels fell, and good lord was that a tra **mp sTAMP**?!

-

Genji was tucked above in the ceiling corner, feet resting on a small tile that was jutting out. Hanzo was below him barely being held back by Jesse, the small body looking intimidating for once.

"I just wanT TO **HUG HIM** " Another lunge. " **WHY WON'T YOU LET. ME. _HUG._ HIM.** "

"Darlin' I really don't think yer just gonna hug him-"

"No SHIT SHERLOCK DON'T LET GO OF HIM **I DON'T WANT TO DIE AGAIN** "

" **LET ME SHOW YOU MY APPRECIATION FOR YOU** "

"Hanz, he didn't do nothin'! All he said was that you were good at drawing, so calm down!"

" **RYU GA WAGA** -"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

"DAAAADS!!!! HANZO AND GENJI ARE FIGHTIN'!"

-

Reaper shucked out the dry white shirts that now smelled like "April showers" and placed them into a white basket that the laundry room had available. Lifting the basket, the Latino carried it over to a folding rack and began to organize and situate them.

"Hey Gabe, should we hang dry these?" Jack reached into the washing machine and pulled out a wet pink shirt that had "Fuck you I'm fabulous" in black letters along with a matching pair of shorts that had-

" _Move, I'm gay_?" Reaper cocked a head at the clothing item. He threw his head back and gave a loud cackle, Jack joining him shortly.

After the pair finally calmed down, they just chucked the said clothes into the dryer with the rest of the pile.

The laundry was almost done, loads switched over and things drying. The two were snuggled up together on one of the plush couches, waiting for it all to finish, when a loud screech caught their attention.

"Was that Jesse?" Gabriel lifted his head from Jack's chest and looked towards the laundry entrance.

"I heard the names Hanzo and Genji. We both know what that could mean. I'll go in and break it up, you finish up here and then meet me in the family stall." The visor blinked seductively as the soldier detangled himself from the large man.

The path to the shower room was quickly traversed, and when Jack opened the door to the large room, he wasn't very surprised.

All of the civilians were staring at the green cyborg dangling on the roof while a very angry Japanese man was screaming below him. A brightly red-faced cowboy was holding him back by the torso and trying to avoid connecting their hips, both naked as the day they were born. This leadership job was really beginning to get to him.

"All right! That's enough!" The deep voice boomed across the tiled floors and caused all three agents to jump in their skins. "All of you, **rinse off and get to the laundry room right now.** "

The trio's eyes widened and they quickly did what was asked of them. They grabbed their towels and rushed out of the shower area. The truckers and travelers of all kind huddled away from the scary man with the red visor, fearing what rage would come to them next.

"Sorry about that folks, they're a real handful sometimes." A small chuckle floated across the room that wasn't reciprocated. "I'm- just- gonna. Yeah." He left quickly.

-

The team eventually found themselves stacked in the laundry room together minus Jack and Gabe. The two gave a stern look and "we're going to have a talk" to the three boys and left to have their turn to rinse off. The two ladies joined them, shocked at how quiet the three were being.

"Hello, why the long faces?" Ana patted Jesse's hair and went to dig through the clothes to find something to wear.

"We done messed ourselves real good." McCree had his hat in his hands, turning it over and tracing the holes in the sides.

The three were already dressed. Genji was wearing his pink top, but no pants. He had given those to Hanzo in an attempt to make up for being a little bit too much of a shit. The archer had the standard white v-neck on along with the shorts. Jesse had on his jeans and a yellow flannel that mysteriously appeared (from another laundry basket that wasn't their's) with that belt buckle through the pant loops and serape draped over his shoulders. They were sitting together and Hanzo wasn't trying to strangle his brother, so everything was pretty okay.

"Well, it can't be worse than what happened to me." Tracer grabbed her clean uniform. She blinked forward and it was on while the towel flew away. "There was a girl in the showers who was an American version of Emily."

They all winced.

"She was so pretty and her accent was amazing and holy hell was I this close to messing up my relationship!" The Brit slung over a chair dramatically. "I miss my crumpet!"

"Sweetie, we all miss her. Probably not in a sexual or romantic lesbian way like you, but Emily is a very kind person. Personally, I miss Reinhardt right now." Ana grabbed the old white nightgown with a hood as she made her way over to the bathroom to change into the garment.

They were all quiet as they began to think of everyone back home. Torblet was probably finishing up the robodog he and Genji were attempting to build. Angela was most likely helping out the injured without any help and missing the gay cyborg she was banging. Satya was judging everyone alone, no archer to back her up on the claims that everyone else was an idiot and they were the only one's who knew what they were actually doing. Bastion was whistling to the sunsets alone, no Jesse to give him a harmony to go along with.

"Genji." Hanzo began, emotions getting the best of him. The boys were on the couch, Jesse at the arm, Han in the middle, and Genji at the end.

"Yes, brother?" The ninja turned to him slowly, metallic shoulder touching a tattooed one.

"I-I deeply apologize for trying to murder you a second time." Black bangs fell forward as Hanzo bowed, turning to his brother completely on the blue couch.

"Bro! I should be the one to apol-" Breath left him as Hanzo embraced him tightly. Tracer and Jesse let out an 'aw', taking in the sight of the angry short man actually being nice to his brother. A hiccup left Genji as he returned the embrace, emotions raw before them.

" _This is pretty gay._ " Genji said as he sniffled back a sob.

" _I know._ " Hanzo only tightened his arms around the other.

-

They only spent another hour or two at the stop, gathering everything and stealing some more clothes before heading back to the van. Jack was in his usual get-up, but Gabe was in a black hoodie they had "found" and some sweat pants with his mask still on.

The car drove through the tiny streets while the residents stared at the new vehicle in their town. The houses were tightly packed and only began to loosen from each other when the shopping centers came up. The plaza that had the organic food store was nearly bare, only small hovercars and a large pickup hover-truck took up no more than eight spaces in the lot that could hold almost thirty cars.

The food store faced the sun, the afternoon light pouring through the glass windows that shone upon all of the foil packaged herbs and "natural" tofu that lined the shelves. As the team entered, an omnic teen with edgy etchings greeted them sadly from his counter where they would be checking out.

"If you need any help, just let me know." The robotic voice sounded impossibly more robotic.

Jack looked towards Reaper, who just shrugged and proceeded towards the produce section. The older two began viewing what fruits and vegetables seemed good enough for a one-time snack while the other five went to the sandwich bar to see the selection.

An old woman with wiry hair waved quickly and rushed over to the wooden outlet's edge, large eyes scarily glaring at them with a vigor.

" **What can I get you.** " The old voice sounded a lot like a demon's.

Tracer rushed to the front and began to order all of the spicy foods that were on the menu, pointing at some and asking questions while McCree and Hanzo gave each other a sideways look and walked off to the already canned food section. Ana and Genji came up and made an easy PB and J order, lady staring at them for almost a minute before fwipping back to the kitchen.

When everyone had made their choices, the team met back up at the front and laid the food on the counter. When the total came out to ninety-three dollars, everyone looked towards Reaper.

"What the fuck." He just stared at the holo-screen that blinked the price. "You kids are fucking insane, how much food did you all get?!"

Tracer sheepishly smiled and averted her eyes from the seven packages of burritos she ordered.

"One of you will have to put a few things back." Gabriel turned around, eyeing the kids evenly. "Who volunteers?"

No one spoke up.

"All right." Jack interluded. "Jesse? How about you?"

Brown eyes widened in panic. Things went in slow motion as his name was called by the soldier, and it the command sounded like it was to only be obeyed. His hands gingerly went to the package of beef jerky and can of strawberry soda only to be smacked away by smaller ones.

"I volunteer!" Hanzo butted in. "I volunteer as tribute!"

Before anyone could stop him, the Japanese male grabbed his can of ravioli, package of marshmallows, and loaf of bread and began to walk back to where he had found them. McCree stared wide-eyed at the back of his companion, tears filling those honey irises as the man he was falling in love with sacrificed himself.

"Uhm, okay..." The omnic teen backed away from the counter slowly, finger on the silent alarm just in case. "The total will now be eighty-four dollars and sixty cents."

A chip was handed over and the transaction was completed. They all went to the outside of the store where there were a few metal tables and chairs set up for customers who had bought meals. Tracer, Ana, Genji, and McCree took up one of the circular tables while Jack, Reaper, and Hanzo decked on the one right next to theirs. Everyone began to unwrap food, but the sad little man stared sadly at his bare hands.

How could Jesse let that be?

Hanzo squeaked in surprise when his chair was jerked back, him in it, to a table behind him. Dark eyes glanced around once the bearings were situated, looking at the mostly empty table with McCree sitting across from him.

"McCree, why are we taking up another table? We had enough seats with just the t _wo_ -"

The speech was halted when a piece of peppered beef was shoved against Hanzo's lips. With eyes like dinner plates, the pupils looked from the hand holding the food up to the cowboy holding it for him.

"Hush up and eat. I got enough." A genuine smile was passed between the two, a blush gracing them both.

-

McCree was slightly winded from the appearance of the man before him. Hanzo's chest was taught against the too small white v-neck, pectorals nearly busting out from the line of cotton. Those shorts must have shrunk in the wash or something, because they weren't mid-thigh length anymore. The pink item was nearing a dangerous short-shorts length, showing off sculpted thighs, a sexy bulge in the front and hugging snuggly around that tight ass in the back that had just enough rump on it to-

**Woah**

Holy shit Hanzo was really fucking hot.

He'd been hot before, but this new wardrobe was really contouring certain assets that made Jesse's face heat up like a lobster in a boiling pot. Just the body alone was enough, but those plush lips pressed against a piece of meat while the shorter man's face was tinged pink from the contact had made the cowboy's mind go in six different directions all facing Hanzo. Black bangs covered the blushing skin when Hanzo ducked his face away, giving a huff of laughter.

"You're too kind, Jesse." His words were always carefully crafted and told like each syllable would change everything that they reached. Those lips came back to the piece of jerky, gently wrapping around the tough food as starch white teeth began to nibble gently at the red meat all the while it was caught in McCree's right hand.

-

"That's so fucking gay." Jack grumbled as he stuffed a grape in his mouth. The visor was on, but the bottom part had been taken off.

"I know." A banana was being shoved into Gabe's mouth, chewing before replying. "How are we going to outdo them?"

"I don't know. We're going to have to plan out some form of rainbow bash to show who the gayest of the gay are around here and put these kids in their place."

"Well said."

Two plastic cups full of water tapped each other in a toast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hanzo: genji we r on the moon  
> genji: wat  
> hanzo: look  
> Genji: fuck we r how we get here  
> McCree: howdy  
> Hanzo: *implodes*  
> Genji: fuck how did u get here  
> McCree: i r cowboy i do wat i want and the thing i do is your brother  
> Genji: that's gay  
> Hanzo: is it gay if we're on the moon  
> McCree:  
> Genji:  
> Hanzo:  
> Alien:  
> McCree:Shit fuck is that an alien  
> Alien: fuk u u gay ass lookin dumb ass hoe the fuck is wrong with u wearing that tacky ass motherfucking ass belt and funky ass hat like u frm some damn shitty ass motherfuckin dumb ass hoe lookin cowboy beebop ass lookin fuckery  
> Genji: I really leik this alien  
> McCree: crie


	11. New-Mix-Tape-Listenplz (New Mexico Pt.2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i diDN'T HAVE TO WAIT A WEEK TO PUT THIS ONE OUT  
> So this chap isn't gonna be too much action, that's the nEXT CHAPTER  
> This is the last build up to the epic scene we've all been waiting for-  
> MCHANZO FINALLY BECOMING AN OFFICIAL THING IN THIS FIC  
> WELL, IT'LL BE OFFICIAL NEXT CHAPTER  
> SORRY  
> it'slateandihaveworktomorrow :')   
> also the Homo-Games have begun and the lord of shits competition will resume soon  
> as well as Hanzo being a hENTAI artist

The ride went by fast.

After they had eaten at the small food shop, the team of Overwatch agents had all piled into their original seats and made the last stretch to the pick-up point where there was a chip to contact the others with.

There was small chit-chat throughout the car, most of it coming from the very back where Hanzo and Jesse were ~~flirting~~ talking heavily. They were both leaned across the middle, pillows being used as a rest and serape split between them. Though Hanzo was engaged in conversation, the driving from last night was beginning to get to him. Heavy eyelids began slipping lower and lower as the baritone of McCree made him lean further into the pillow pile and tug the red cloth tighter over his shoulders.

The archer felt himself dozing for just a few minutes before a dragging feeling made eyes flutter open and land on Jesse, who had sat up with his back against the window and spread his long legs (that were now draped across the row around Hanzo) to make room for his companion to lay on him. The cowboy grabbed the pillows and laid them on his lap and between his legs while hooking strong forearms under Hanzo, effectively pulling him stomach down towards his awaiting cushioned crotch.

When the shorter male was comfortably positioned with his head resting on a warm, firm stomach and wrapping his tattooed limb and plain one around McCree's hips, those heavy eyes slid closed and didn't open for a long, _long_ time.

-

Jesse looked down on Hanzo's pliant form, a small smile etched on the sleeping one's face while a red brushed over the other's. His red serape was laid across the hefty torso of Hanzo, the dips and curves of the fabric outlining the form. The sharpshooter was a snuggly hot piece of cuddle that was just dripping in "please love on me" all laid out on McCree's thighs and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to take this chance and do just that.

Gingerly, metal fingers gripped the hair ribbon and eased it out of thick black hair. Those fingers (along with their flesh counterparts) came back quickly to play with the strands, twirling them and braiding a few before the calloused hand was scratching all over the shorter's back deliciously. A soft whimper escaped the slightly parted lips, making a seething blush cover McCree's face as Hanzo then shifted and buried his face down and farther into Jesse's lap.

-

Jack huffed as he drove, visor glancing at the two males in the back all pressed together and totally riding out with the gay crown at the moment. Looking over at Reaper, who was lounging in the passenger seat and making the sasquatch puppet dance on his hand, a devious plan formed for when they stopped at the diner.

-

It didn't take long to arrive at the pick-up point. Apparently, while Hanzo had been doing his stretch a day ago, they had come into New Mexico and he hadn't seen the sign. Now though the van pulled slowly into the small parking lot.

As Hanzo grunted as Jesse gently woke him up and chuckled at his exhausted appearance. Red had dashed on their faces before the rest of the team began to file out of their chairs and into the afternoon light. The archer went to follow McCree out of the van, but stopped as he cast a glance to the interior of the vehicle. If this was it, they'd probably never see this van again. A small well of tears built up unexpectedly as dark eyes quickly blinked them away. His hand brushed over the small crack in the window that had been on Jesse's side. Call him a sentimental fool, he _liked_ it.

With one last view of the car, he too hopped out to the asphalt. A breeze shook him around, not knowing where it came from before he looked to the sky and realized that yes, it was a train rail above them. Wide eyes took in the view of the massive gorge and dusty roads before landing on McCree, who was giving him a broad smile.

"Well now, don't you look mighty surprised." A sultry wink floated over and Hanzo just laughed and pushed the cowboy away to help Reaper get some of the bags out of the car.

The archer took the book bag from the trunk while Jack and Gabriel lifted the suitcase out of the trunk. A gushy display from the strike commander of how strong the Latino death angel was had Ana and Tracer rolling their eyes away while Genji shook his head. It began to escalate when the bag was gently placed on the floor and Jack embraced Gabe with one arm while using his free hand to grope the bulging bicep. The visor flicked over to Hanzo.

Oh.

_Oh_ okay.

The bag Hanzo had been holding was flung away and quick as a rattlesnake, McCree was tangled in a squeezing hug.

"Jesse, have I ever told you how _amazing_ you are?" Shyly, the shorter man stuffed his nose into the cowman's thick chest and inhaled deeply. The other stood there, shocked with wide eyes and stuttering.

It triggered Jack's trap card.

With a silky smooth movement, the old soldier grabbed the black hoodie and dragged Gabriel into a dip and softly propped his forehead against the white mask.

" _My love_ ," The bottom metal of Jack's mask was removed to reveal scarred lips. " ** _May I_**?"

-

Widowmaker sat at the top of the rocky cliff, scopes down and trained on her now former boss.

"What's the situation?" Her comm crackled.

"I'm going to need back-up asap." Without looking from the scope, her long finger graced over the mic in her ear. "I'm afraid they've gained more power than we thought."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm reporting a _GoMil_."

"It can't be-"

"Yes. **Gay old Men In Love**."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji: Hanzo bro  
> Hanzo: wat  
> Genji: slob  
> Hanzo: no  
> Genji: on  
> Hanzo: please no  
> Genji: my  
> Hanzo: I disown you  
> Genji: knob  
> Hanzo: stop  
> Genji: like  
> Hanzo: genjinie plz  
> Genji: corn  
> Hanzo: sTOP  
> Genji: on the  
> Hanzo: kaY THAT'S ENOGH  
> Genji: cob  
> hANZO:STop  
> Genji: check  
> Hanzo: nO  
> Genji: in with  
> Hanzo: STOP IT  
> Genji: me  
> Hanzo: why are yOU LIKE THIS  
> Genji: and   
> Hanzo: plEZ  
> Genji: do ya  
> Hanzo: NOOOO  
> Genji: job  
> Hanzo: LAY ON THE BED AND GIMME HEAD  
> Genji: LAY ON THE BED AND GIMME HEAD


	12. New-Mix-Tape-Listenplz (New Mexico pt.3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT  
> TEN DAYS WITHOUT MY BABIES  
> work is fucking me hard  
> but the money hU RTS SO GO Od
> 
> I'm sorry I ABANDONED YOU ALL  
> I'M CATCHING UP ON ALL OF MY READING SOON AND I'M CURRENTLY WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER NOW  
> Also I have a one-shot and a two chapter bullet ready to fire, but I'll probably post them after the thirteenth chapter or something bcause lolz  
> endmylife

The air was heavy.

Hanzo stopped mid-walk.

After the little gay-off that he and Jack had, Ana pulled them all apart and shoved the book bag back into his hands, muttering about how her back hurt and that she just wanted to go home. With a huff, Hanzo grabbed the bag and made for the trunk again. Since the trip, they had stored most of the larger weapons (Hanzo's bow, Ana's broken rifle, Genji's swords, and Jack's pulse rifle) in the trunk and allowed McCree to carry the PeaceKeeper to avoid worried glances of 'why the fuck do these people look like they're about to go postal'. Donning his signature weapon and tossing the others their's, the short man followed the lead.

Their destination was a little cut-off area where there were two dumpsters and a small light above the near back employee entrance. After checking that there weren't any other humans or omnics present to catch them, Jack and Reaper took the lead to a small metal box. At first glance, it just looked like some water heating component or an electric meter station, but upon closer inspection it was revealed to be a holding unit.

There was a hidden hand scanner on the side where Jack removed his glove and placed his fingers on the beginning of it. When it flashed red, small frown lines cloaked over the wrinkled forehead.

Reaper stood to try, starting to remove his glove when Hanzo had decided to go and keep watch near the side of the building.

That's when he sensed _it._

His heart stopped and palms began to sweat. There was a shiver that went through his spine that ended swiftly in his tailbone and he paled.  
  
McCree must have seen how quickly his face morphed into one of terror.

"Darlin'-"

With years of precision and mastering the art of becoming a ninja/samurai, Hanzo focused all of his energy into pin-pointing his senses. He popped a squat as a bullet followed by a red line flew above his head, causing the ribbon to whip up with the force that followed the small sonic boom.

Everyone stood in shocked silence for two heartbeats before every weapon they had was whipped out and returned fire from where the bullet had come from. McCree pulled Hanzo to rest flat against the wall as the archer started to knock an arrow.

"Twelve O'clock!" Jack yelled.

"Which twelve, mine or your's?" Genji was throwing shurikens at the wall.

"You _fucking_ \- This way! Reaper, you try to get the case open. We'll give you cover fire!" The soldier pushed the death angel back to the box, ignoring the protests.

Ana, though her gun was broken, was shooting sleep dart after sleep dart towards the shadowed figure on the ridge of a cliff. Bullets started to be returned, mainly aimed at Tracer, as the Brit began to fwip towards the large rock. Jack focused a helix rocket near the top of the steep cliff, causing a pound of rocks to fall and dissuade the enemy they had gained.

Reaper swore as each time he attempted to open the locked container, the angry colour would pop up and squash his attempts. It was his seventh try, wraith forming his cloak to pull his guns out and just shoot the damn thing, when an item followed by a fwapping noise landed on the top of the box.

Again, everyone pause, this time in complete and utter shock as the item bobbed back and forth on the lid, evening out to a stop. The bullets in the air came to a silence, even their competing force seemed to halt the spray. All eyes, especially Reaper's, were on the object that had just up and made it's home on the metal holding device.

" **Is that** -"

"Your Dragon Dildo? Heh, I see you _are_ as stupid as I thought you were." Reaper whipped around to see the Italian man come from the shadows. Instead of the stereotypical outfit he originally had on, the hefty man was dressed in an elegant display of battle armor that flowed around him.

Needless to say, he looked scary as f **uck**.

"I," The stutter punctuated Gabe's speech. "I-I don't understand! How?"

"That glass was priceless." Leisurely, large hands grabbed two pistols from the belt hooks. "It took the artist _fifteen_ years to make. _Fifteen_ years and millions upon millions of dollars, all down the drain because of you people. Nothing you say will save you now."

The guns were raised, poised at Reaper's head before Jack swiftly rushed forward and side tackled him, bullets flying and following the pair.

Like a tidal wave, the shower of metal began again. Talon agents flooded from everywhere and began their choke hold of cornering the Overwatch agents. Genji, who now figured that the shurikens weren't doing much, pulled out the small katana and began his hand to hand combat with the one's who were too close. McCree took the liberty of flash banging a group while Hanzo wall climbed the metal diner's siding to get the upper view, picking off the ones Jesse's fan-the-hammer had missed. Ana took her broken rifle and started beating the shit out of anyone who was swinging wildly at her, bullets scraping her skin and making the old face twist in fear.

Tracer, however, had missed most of the dangerous action by following the trail that would lead to the sniper that had first opened fire on them. The Brit had a hunch as to who it was that almost took off Han-Man's head, and the hunch was most likely someone who said bonjour and had a distinctive laugh.

-

The fighting went on for a tense fifteen minutes. For the agents involved, it seemed like hours. The stress of dodging blows and bullets was other-worldly paired with a red hot desire to fight to live. Jack and Reaper were 2v1-ing the skilled Italian, just barely able to watch each other's backs. McCree was out of flashbangs and Hanzo's quiver had been ripped away, leaving both of them back to back, fighting the slew of dark dressed Talon enemies. Genji had pulled Ana away from the brunt of the fighting to tuck her off on the sidelines so she could sleep-dart those who were off guard safely. Tracer was blinking around the mountain, spraying heaps of laser bullets at WidowMaker, who was returning the shower just as fast.

It was pretty bleak looking for the Overwatch crew. They were outnumbered and running out of resources quickly, a sure bet of defeat if they kept fighting the way they were at this rate.

-

Hanzo gave a glance behind him, dark eyes catching how a metal fist could crack bone if it came into contact with it hard enough. Looking just a bit higher, dark hair followed by the side of McCree's face came into view. The cowboy looked exhausted and ready to give any second.

A baton came towards the bowman's face, quickly being deflected and sent back to the attacker with razor-sharp martial skills. Hanzo turned his attention back to defending his assets when a thought came to mind. This was a big group that was clustered. A big group settled on fighting one another till they were all dead. No one would hear anything other than gunshots and screams either way, so maybe, just maybe this idea would work.

Grabbing Jesse's shoulder, the Japanese man swung himself around and kicked the person in front of his companion back harshly, sending them flying and dragging agents with them. A tiny path was cleared, and Hanzo didn't waste any time pulling McCree with him towards the steps of the diner. There were a few bullet holes in his thigh, arm, and shoulders, but the adrenaline that pumped through his veins was enough to keep metal feet sprinting forward and dodging fists and flying lead.

"Give me your gun!" Hanzo shouted as they near the metal side of the restaurant.

"W-What?! Why?!" McCree blocked an enemy hand that came to grab Hanzo's white shirt and swiftly repaid said hand with a twist, breaking the wrist.

Huffing, the Shimada grabbed the gun from the holster and wall climbed swiftly to the roof. Hopefully, this wasn't going to be a waste of time. Jesse was yelling at the base as Talon members began to overwhelm him, no partner to watch his back and help him out.

" **Hanzo**!" The cowboy belted as he was dragged to the ground, fists and elbows coming from everywhere.

' _Come on_.' The archer gave himself pep talk as he sprinted across the ribbed roof. There was a large sunset coloured cliff side with grooves in it, perfect to slot small feet into. Pale hands gripped the gun as Hanzo dashed across the platform, spinning the chamber out to see six bullets slotted and ready to fire. Five would be extra, as all he needed right now would be one lucky bullet and a lot of hope that the dragons clawing beneath his skin were as anxious as he was.

-

McCree couldn't believe his eyes.

He thought Hanzo had his back, thought they were partners and in it 'till the end, but hoo boy was he wrong. There was a hope that flashed in those beautiful dark eyes, a hope that Jesse wanted to be a part of, but a cowboy can't climb walls.

So, under the pile of bodies that clawed and threw punches at him, his fighting spirit slowly dwindled. This wasn't how he was supposed to go out, not like this.

-

Ana shook like a leaf as a group of large agents ran towards her. The sleep-dart gun had jammed, leaving her defenseless with two halves of a rifle. It had snapped completely after hitting so many people, now just useless garbage that wouldn't do anything.

As they got closer, the sniper readied her fist for, most likely, her last fight.

-

Jack was knocked to the side roughly with the butt of the platinum pistol. The soldier was re-loading, standing over Reaper who had been knocked unconscious by a flash grenade that had appeared off of the multi-tool belt on the skilled Italian. The heftiness in the large man's body had been thrown in full force, forcing the two to fight for their lives up until now.

The red visor was cracked at the top right, effectively making sight for Jack flicker and buzz on occasion. With heavy arms, the ex-commander lifted himself up an inch, only to get a boot pressed on his back to pin him down.

"I must say, you and Reaper do make a good team." A chuckle floated above Jack. "Too bad I'll have to **shatter** it."

A pistol was raised.

This wasn't how it was supposed to end.

-

Tracer flicked around, trying to dodge the onslaught of bullets that just would not stop. The closer she came to Widow, the closer she came to death. With nimble movements, the Brit threw herself up onto the platform that housed to spider, grappling with the blue-skinned woman and trying to knock her off balance.

" _You_!" The French accent spat.

" _You_!" British speech came back just as fast.

The cat fight to end all cat fights ensued, and it would be ending bloody.

-

Genji grunted as his blade came down on two guns, knocking them away and using his hand to jab under the enemies throats. When the two fell, three came to take their place, and after the three, four. It just wouldn't stop, more and more coming to replace those that had fallen. An explosion from a grenade had him reeling back, causing a twisted sense of Deja Vu to come and remind him of what happened when they first landed in Hollywood.

The Ninja grunted as his back hit a rocky wall. There was a small clearing before him, but it was short lived as agents began to come into view. When all hope seemed lost, the cyborg grit his teeth. This was not going to be easy, and they might not get out of this one.

Just as there was no hope, no spirits to lift and no fire to light his will to go on, a small golden movement above caught the green visor's attention.

Was that... Hanzo?

His brother was jogging across the diner's roof with Jesse's Peacekeeper in hand, checking the chamber and spinning it back into place. A gold hair ribbon twirled as those brown eyes were turned to Genji.

There was something shocking about them. There was a drive in them, a drive that only a Shimada could control.

Oh.

_Oh_ they were getting out alive alright.

Facing his opposing force, Genji focused the last scrap of his energy on one element. The power inside of him grew, reminding him of how you absolutely do **not** fuck with the Shimada-mada duo and their family.

-

Metal feet clicked at the rock as Hanzo wall climbed as high as he could. The dragons stirred within him, desperate to get out any way they could. He had summoned them with a sword before, and after only with a bow. But, with a confidence that was unmatched in the moment, Hanzo pointedly decided that a gun would be no problem.

When he felt his momentum falter, the short man turned and gave a leap from the rock wall. All of the Talon agents were mainly grouped together in a scant seven hundred square yards, just enough to let the dragons know what exactly they were dealing with.

Flicking the gun out and pointing it towards the crowd, a fire built within Hanzo and it would not be squashed. Summoning the entities, the Shimada gave his yell for them to release their energy and do what they pleased.

The flash of blue from above and mighty roars drew the attention of everyone. More so when twin dragons appeared from the vortex and began to fly with the bullet they had been channeled from. Talon agents screamed as their very souls were devoured, dragons quickly flooding the area around the cowboy, Dad #1 and #2, Ana, and even Genji.

While the twins were busy with their portion of work, the younger Shimada gave his own call, a single dragon flowing with the large katana as she helped her master cut through flocks of foes in a swift motion. Dashing towards the Italian who's jaw had dropped from the display of power, the blade cut through the man's hand, forcing him to drop the gun and flinging him away from Jack. After he was taken care of, Genji turned towards the small group that was running away from Ana, desperate to not be caught in the wave of blue.

-

Widowmaker grunted as she was kicked against an orange rock. She had been distracted by the whatever the hell those massive beasts were and gave Tracer an advantage to get a blow in. Not relenting and ignoring the show, the French woman doubled back and brought out her machine rifle, holding down the trigger until it was out of lead. Fast as the bullets that came out, Tracer flicked up and around, recalling to get out of the line of most of them.

When the perky warrior landed, however, a fist connected with the brunette's jaw and sent her spinning back, tripping up and tumbling down the slope. With little time to spare, the sniper pressed her comm and began shouting for more agents.

-

Bodies littered the ground, especially the pile on top of McCree. The cowboy lay under them, bleeding from bullet wounds and scrapes but alive. The air was heavy with death, something he'd only seen Genji be able to bring about. He knew about the dragons, he knew about the Shimadas, he knew that Hanzo had to have at least one dragon, and he definitely knew what that dragon could do, if Genji's near death and completely destroyed body were anything to go by.

Thing is, he'd only seen Genji attack with his spirit guardian a handful of times. That was back in Blackwatch, long ago when the green spirit would simply follow her master's blade, cutting through people like it was thin air. That dragon was as big as a human.

Hanzo, on the other hand, was giving him quite the shock.

There wasn't just one dragon with the man. He had two. Two dragons that could rival buildings, even skyscrapers. They were ferocious, loud, and had a deadly sense of dread around them. They were monsters that seemed unstoppable, untameable, and uncontrollable.

Hot _damn_ if that didn't get his libido up and running who knows what else would

-

The bodies fell away as Hanzo attempted to dig the gunslinger out from amongst the pile, praying that the spirits hadn't mistaken him for an enemy. When the stock shifted, the archer gave a sigh of relief to see that hat peek out from the middle and shoot forward as McCree forced himself away from the unfortunate casualties.

Hanzo and Jesse stood there, the cowboy staring at the man in front of him with wide eyes and a shocked expression. Quickly, the Japanese male's mouth started to move to attempt an explanation.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to run off like that, it's just that we might not have made it and I didn't want you to be harmed further and-" The excuses were cut off when a metal hand grabbed onto the red stained shirt, pulling him forward and close.

"J- _Jesse_!" Big brown eyes caught their honey counterparts. With the face of a very determined soul, the cowboy began to shorten the gap between their lips-

" **I'M CALLING THE POLICE** "

"WHAT T **HE ACTUAL FUCK** "

"fucking gay cliche asses why the fuck are they gonna kiss _now_ "

" **MOMMY** "

Oh, that's right. There were still civilians in the restaurant that were looking at the scene.

McCree jerked back as the voices that were shrieking inside reached them. They both grappled each other, looking at the crowd and sprinting to the side where Jack and Gabriel were making out.

"We gotta leave!" Jesse tore Jack up and off of Gabe, pushing them towards the van.

"But the pick up point-" The soldier stopped as he saw what a stray grenade had done to the machine.

It was completely broken, pieces scattered about. There were shocks of electricity that sparked from frayed wires, adding to injury. The snow haired man's shoulder's slumped before he hissed at the action. There were two bullets lodged in there, and his adrenaline was running dry.

With a sad glance at their destroyed path to home, the man allowed himself to be dragged by his lover to the old automobile.

-

Genji was helping Ana over bodies, trying to follow the rest of the team as quickly as he could, when she stopped near the destroyed box. Her old hand reached for something in the mess, which Genji almost stopped her from doing before a large dragon penile member was pulled from the ruckus.

"D-Dra _gon dildo_!" Behind the mask, soft tears began to pour. " _You-you're alive_!"

Before the reunion could get any further, a figure slipped in front of them.

"Hurry! Widowbitch just called for backup!" The visor widened as the ninja now picked up Ana (who cradled the dildo lovingly) bridal style and started dashing forward with the Brit.

The quick girl relayed the same message to the others and they scrambled into the van, hissing at the wounds that were opened.

Jack slammed on the gas once they were out of the lot, dragging the car forward at alarming speeds. The agents inside cringed at the amount of blood they were spreading over the seats, and winced at the pain bullet holes, bruises, and cuts caused.

-

Once they were a considerable distance from the diner, Gabriel cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"Well, we're alive." A few gave a snort at the insane line. "And everything's better I guess."

There were a few minutes of silence.

 

 

 

"Where the _fuck_ do we go now"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genji:   
> Hanzo:  
> Genji: Honestly it's nice to have the quiets amiright  
> Hanzo: no not relly  
> Genji: y no  
> Hanzo: Becuase it reminds me of how much of a fuccking failure u r  
> Genji: What the actual fuck have I done to you for you to treat me this way  
> Hanzo: you existed  
> Genji: seriously the fuck  
> Hanzo: mother paid more attention to me when you weren't born  
> Genji: you were thREE HOW CAN YOU EVEN REMEMBER THAT  
> Hanzo: I will always remember when the screaming shit came out of mother's asshole.   
> Genji: Let me guess the screaming shit was me-  
> Hanzo: it was you.  
> Genji: Well fine I'll always remember the gay retard I saw when I was pooped out  
> Hanzo: You're making it worse for yourself  
> Genji: I know i just canyounot pplease just fucking tell me something nice for once  
> Hanzo: fine  
> Genji: Thankyou  
> Hanzo: You're the most handsome woman I've ever seen  
> Genji: Okay now fuck you, you know people have trans headcanons about m3  
> Hanzo: I'm not insulting your trans-ness u inbred horse cock I said you're the most handsome woman I've ever seen the fuck actually take a fucking compliment for once  
> Geji: holy shit you actually meant that  
> Hanzoap: yea  
> Gji: thx  
> Hnzo: fuk u  
> Gi: fk  
> hnz: penis
> 
> McCree: I'm very tired


End file.
